tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3974463293775406122024-03-13T13:48:01.114-07:00Alexandra BaconThinking Alternatively...Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-66211731135290406542014-12-31T08:23:00.003-08:002014-12-31T08:23:55.830-08:00Top 10 Habits to stay Sane in 2015
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“No
live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of
absolute reality.” Shirley Jackson</span></i></div>
</blockquote>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vxEBnbuBPBY/VKQh5LklL5I/AAAAAAAAAHs/w97UnRB8AW8/s1600/IMG_1288.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vxEBnbuBPBY/VKQh5LklL5I/AAAAAAAAAHs/w97UnRB8AW8/s1600/IMG_1288.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As I write this, I’ve had clients email
me about their husbands/wives leaving them at Christmas and another whose
spouse has just died unexpectedly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I
flick through the newspaper, there is a plethora of unhappy events both in the
UK and abroad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As Shirley Jackson wrote, how do we
continue to stay ‘sane’ when we face the harshness of such events in our
everyday lives?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some might react
defiantly by trying to block out any news other than living within their own
bubble. I have often been guilty of this, not wanting to absorb anymore misery
from the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our cup runneth over
with it all at this time of year- both a sickly sweet mix of festive cheer and
an echo from those who are alone, sad or without.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a timely reminder.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You might know at least one
person who seems able to keep cheerful amidst most difficulties; one of those
‘mentally strong’ people we would all aspire to be like. What do most mentally resilient
people have in common?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s my top 10
habits you can adopt to grow your mental resilience in 2015:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Embrace Change: </span></i></b><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Change is the only constant in life though
human beings are often slower to adapt to a change in circumstances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To help manage change better, whether a
chosen or imposed change like divorce, aim to create a plan to deal with the
obstacles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Focus on the first step, then
the next etc. to avoid overwhelm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Focus
on the positives that could (eventually) arise from the change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, one of my clients started focusing
on all the interests she wanted to pursue which she couldn’t do when she was
married.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She felt more liberated and
excited about her life which helped her to move on.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Keep going even if at first you don’t succeed:</span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Having staying power is a sure sign of a resilient,
emotionally intelligent person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of
us give up because of fear when we first fail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Be kind to yourself initially then realize that every mistake is an
opportunity to grow and learn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then
‘failing’ no longer feels so scary.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Don't repeat the same mistakes over again:</span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">On the other hand, learning from our mistakes is the secret
to being savvy and sane.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you tend to
fall for the same man over and over again for instance who is bad for you, take
some time to ponder why and how you can establish a new behavior and utilize
more self-control in the matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Awareness is the first step to changing a habit.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Let go of having a Victim mentality: </span></i></b><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It might be tempting to have a ‘pity party’ though let’s
face it, what does that achieve? Being able to grieve for a loss and allow
yourself to experience an emotion and then let it go is healthy though staying
stuck in a ‘poor me’ state is not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is
a waste of energy and leads to negative emotions like resentment and anger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Move on and practice gratitude daily.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Focus less on pleasing people:</span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Being genuinely kind and supportive towards others is
different to being a pleaser, which arises from fear and a lack of personal
boundaries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you tend to lose your
power by focusing too much on others needs, practice the word ‘no’ and learn
some assertiveness skills to arm yourself.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Focus on the Present, not the past:</span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">All the clients I see have issues arising from the past or
future- the past being the most toxic and limiting, whether it is viewed
nostalgically or coloured with bitterness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If you are currently limited by your past baggage, make a list of all
the issues that are unresolved and make it a goal in 2015 to work through them-
whether that means forgiving someone, or yourself, realize this is the only way
to be truly happy in the present. If you're struggling to do this on your own, consider seeing a therapist to gain some support.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Be happy being alone:</span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Most
of us feel uncomfortable being alone and need to avoid the possibility with
constant activity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try stepping out of
your comfort zone and try just 10 minutes alone time to spend with yourself
doing something you enjoy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gradually
increase the time and learn to value the solitude it brings.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Take calculated risks:</span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We
spend most of our lives trying to avoid being uncomfortable though good things
can arise out of feeling anxious- it can be a sign you’re starting to shift the
balance towards growth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Balance logic
with your feelings and examine where this risk might take you in your life if
you take that leap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Be willing to play the long game:</span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We live in a short termist society that wants instant fixes
and results.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be flexible and realistic
however when setting goals and aspirations and be willing to put the work in
long term. Breaking down bigger life goals into smaller milestones can help you
stay content and sane along the journey.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">10.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Focus on the things you can control: </span></i></b><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As the serenity prayer goes- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘..grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.’</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is my mantra for life and as far as I’m
concerned, the secret to happiness. Amen.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-62769844193066704332014-10-29T04:23:00.000-07:002014-10-29T04:23:03.202-07:005 Creative ways to overcome your Anxiety
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"></span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">“When you change the way you look at things,
the things you look at<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b>change.” Wayne Dyer</span></i></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.artistictreatment.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/being_creative_anxiety.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.artistictreatment.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/being_creative_anxiety.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">According to research,
Anxiety disorders affect more than 3 million of us in the UK alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is apart from those individuals who
suffer from some kind of mild anxiety who haven’t sought treatment or advice
from a health professional.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Unfortunately, the numbers of those diagnosed with an Anxiety Disorder
are only set to rise.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Anxiety can take many guises-
for some it is triggered by specific situations like driving, or it may be a
more generalized feeling of Anxiousness or worry which in normal circumstances
you could cope with. If you feel you might be suffering from an Anxiety
Disorder read this guide online for more information: <a href="http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/anxiety.asp">http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/anxiety.asp</a></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">GP’s are often at a loss at
how to treat those with Anxiety aside from prescribing Anti depressant or Anti
Anxiolytic drugs like Beta Blockers that are often just a short term ‘fix’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>CBT is then recommended as a way of managing
the Anxiety symptoms better which in my experience, can be very effective. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For a slightly different approach, here’s 5
creative ways to overcome your Anxiety immediately:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Change the Anxious self talk: </span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Rick Carson, author of ‘Taming your Gremlin’
says we all have an inner ‘gremlin’ that talks us down and makes us feel
negative about ourselves and the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He suggests tackling it first of all by just being aware of that voice
and learning to be more detached from it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’d suggest adding a dose of humour in there too as the best way to
diffuse fear is usually to laugh at what makes us scared.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What kind of voice would you rather have- a
comedian you like? Your best friend who makes you laugh?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Changing the associations with that negative
voice might well help.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Add a happy soundtrack: </span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Often our mind not only tells us what could go
wrong in a never ending audio loop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Often it is great at ramping up the fear with visual images of our fears
too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When this happens, try picturing
the image of the fear on the cinema screen and try playing the image with a
happy/funny soundtrack to again mix up the fearful associations with amusing
ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See how you feel…If your fear is
more generalized, ask yourself ‘what’s the worst thing that could happen?’ and
you’ll probably get an image or thought come up to work on.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Neutralise the fear: </span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Another way of diffusing fear is to use
Cognitive Diffusion techniques which allow the mind to start neutralizing the
connections to the Anxiety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example,
the words ‘Anxiety’ and ‘Fear’ are often loaded with well a lot of negativity
unsurprisingly!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try using a neutral word
like ‘orange’ or ‘banana’ instead when you feel that way. It might well make
you smile!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Let go of the Anxious identity: </span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Through my experience of working with hundreds
of clients with Anxiety over the years is that they have a strong sense of
identity connected to being anxious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘I’m
an anxious person’ they say, ‘I’m always anxious’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Telling their mind they are anxious is pretty
much saying, ‘this is me, I can’t get over it’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Pretty limiting wouldn’t you say?!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Whereas anxiety, like any other emotion is just a state we are
experiencing at the time- like anger, sadness or happiness and doesn’t define
who we are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Next time you get a thought
like that come up challenge it and see what it feels like!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Create a pattern interrupt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">In
a way, all the above are techniques for interrupting the patterns of anxiety
and fearful thinking. Another one I like to use with children and adults alike
is using a positive anchor word that you can use whenever you feel anxious to ‘break
the state’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think about either what
makes you feel happy or calm? Could it be playing football on a Sunday, seeing
your friends, reading in bed?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever
it is, allow yourself to be immersed in the memory of doing this thing and get
into the positive state and think of an anchor word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Practise using that word whenever you start
to feel anxious and keep reconnecting your mind to that feeling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-29632363619672814042014-08-07T04:17:00.000-07:002014-08-07T04:17:26.684-07:00Top 5 things you need to know to survive being a working parent<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">As Sheryl
Sandberg says: ‘..<i>there’s no such thing as work life balance. There’s work and
there’s life and there’s no balance.’ <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘</i>Work-life Balance’ can feel like an elusive
ideal we should be aspiring for and yet feel we never quite achieve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What with trying to ‘balance’ meetings at
work, school runs, housework and then fit in some downtime and exercise (if
you’re lucky), it can feel like a constant juggling act as a parent.</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">As a working parent
myself to a 3-month old, I know how difficult it is trying to balance
everything including a career, whilst trying to remain fully functioning and
happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With increasing pressures on
parents to maintain a good career to provide a nice lifestyle for their family
and deal with the financial pressures this brings, it is no wonder Stress,
Depression and Anxiety disorders are on the rise. Essentially, parents are
often trying to cope with two full time jobs- the one that pays the bills and
looking after the kids.</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 101.35pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">That aside, there are some things that parents often
forget in the midst of the juggling act that make life that bit easier:</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: 101.35pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Create a support Network outside the
family </span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 101.35pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Being a working parent can be isolating
and it’s important to gain external support.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even if your social life has dwindled, ensure that you make time to
speak to friends, on the phone or face to face (Facebook as a last resort!). I
ensure I see at least one friend a week for a coffee or lunch to keep in touch.
If you want to combine it with doing some exercise all the better! Online
support can also be of benefit as well, especially to connect with other
parents who may be going through similar issues. Try <a href="http://www.familylives.org.uk/">http://www.familylives.org.uk/</a> or <a href="http://www.netmums.com/">http://www.netmums.com/</a> to find parenting
forums or support groups.</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: 101.35pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Create clear, flexible priorities</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 101.35pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">When you’ve got a demanding career and an
active family life, you can often feel torn between your priorities and
overwhelmed at trying to achieve too much at once. Having a more flexible
approach can enable you to gain more sense of control over your life balance
and move away from this constant state of stress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One strategy for doing this is to list at the
end or beginning of each week what your priorities are and look at what you can
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">defer, delegate or delete </i>from that
list. Then set 2-3 clear goals for the week and put the other small goals that take a
few minutes like phone calls in a ‘batch list’ and blitz these when you have some time though prioritise
achieving the main goals first.</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: 101.35pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Accept your limitations and what is ‘good
enough’</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 101.35pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Get out of the mindset of trying to be the
perfect parent and start feeling ‘good enough’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Deciding to keep a career going whilst being a parent inevitably means
sacrifices have to be made on time spent with children. This doesn’t mean you
have to then compensate with giving things, which is what parents often do to
dispel their guilt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just accept the
decisions you have made and then focus on making the time you do spend with
your kids’ count- quality time matters more than anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also accept your limitations and challenge
your ‘ill be happy when…’ mentality as that only leads to severe
dissatisfaction. Now is where you are.</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: 101.35pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Find ways of being more present</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 101.35pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Leading on from that, start exploring ways
of being more in the moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am sure
you’ve already heard of ‘mindfulness’ if you haven’t dabbled in the practice
already.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having a ‘beginners mind’ is a
Zen Buddhist practice, which essentially means being open and seeing things afresh
like a curious child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I rather like this
idea as it involves getting out of your existing rut and habitual patterns and
jumping into a new frame of wonderment and excitement. Ask yourself, if I had a
beginners mind, how would I see my situation differently and what would I be
telling myself?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try a mindfulness
practice for yourself and download the headspace app: <a href="https://www.headspace.com/">https://www.headspace.com/</a> Having
children also gives you an ample excuse to let the inner child out to play every
now and then!</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: 101.35pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Book appointments with yourself.</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 101.35pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">This might sound a bit desperate needing
to set meetings with yourself though I’ve done this for myself as well as with
clients and it really does work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think
about it, would you ignore an important meeting in your diary? Not likely
though often parents neglect their own needs and can end up feeling trapped in
their responsibilities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I teach all my
clients about ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">enlightened self interest’</i>,
which is about prioritising your own wellbeing with the view that if you’re
healthy and happy, you’ll be able to deliver your best to others. Being
flexible in your priorities also means you can sometimes make space for
yourself without feeling guilty and still be a good parent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So book that spa day now!</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 101.35pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 101.35pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-50228062107123105242014-02-01T10:57:00.000-08:002014-02-01T10:57:54.773-08:00Make your Marriage Last from the Start <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://s3.thejournal.ie/media/2013/01/hand-holding-390x285.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://s3.thejournal.ie/media/2013/01/hand-holding-390x285.jpg" height="233" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Have noticed the appearance and increase in the idea of pre-wedding counselling or preparation recently? You might have thought that
couple counselling is only for couples who have problems. Alternatively
you may be riding the crest of a loving wave happily preparing to spend
the rest of your life with your beloved. However it is worth taking a
closer look at pre-marriage Counselling.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
Couples now have to contend with increasing demands that can affect
their relationship such as balancing dual careers, childcare, finances
and friends. Within this context it is not surprising that many couples
that start off with positive intent can find themselves getting into bad
habits and stuck patterns that can eat away at the relationship and
become harder to fix when more entrenched. Added to this is a lack of
traditional support as families live further away and Iead increasingly
disparate lives.<b> It is a sad fact that half of marriages end in divorce
and it is estimated that only half of those that survive are happy ones.</b>
Although statistics on civil partnerships are less readily known early
indications unfortunately suggest it is just as difficult to make these
work. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
Pre wedding counselling acknowledges the reality of the challenges
couples face in making their relationship work. <b>Indeed a good skills
based approach has been shown the reduce the chances of divorce by as
much as 30% and lead to a happier marriage.</b> It can also help which pre
wedding stress. Therefore, it would appear that the idea of pre wedding or
civil ceremony counselling might be worth considering to give your
relationship the best chance of success. After all it is one of the most
important events in your life. Pre wedding counselling is available at
<a href="http://www.lotusheal.co.uk/#/marriage-counselling/4578065729" target="_blank">Lotus Therapeutics</a> with a qualified and registered Family Therapist who will get to
know you as a couple including your strengths and limitations. You will
then be offered a skills based approach to help supplement your existing
strengths and help to prepare you for whatever life has to throw at you. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
Lotus also has Couple Counselling service for established couples who are either
experiencing difficulties or also want to give their marriage a greater
chance of success.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="gmail_quote">
<br /></div>
Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-84571147295770175962014-01-20T06:34:00.002-08:002014-01-20T06:39:25.925-08:00Coping with Endings- a Reflection<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://ifanboy.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/the_end.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://ifanboy.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/the_end.jpg" height="237" width="320" /></a></div>
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{page:WordSec</style><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Coming into the New
year we tend to focus on new beginnings and goals- wanting to lose weight, getting that job
promotion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Often we struggle however, to
come to terms with unresolved endings from the previous year(s).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead of allowing ourselves the space to
process our emotions, we often put our psychological baggage to one side and carry on
regardless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I often describe this denial
state as a bit like adding logs to a fast flowing stream- eventually it creates
a large dam and our ability to feel balanced and ‘flow’ with life gets
inhibited.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Allow this to happen for long
enough and you’ve got a very strong pressure to contend with!</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">We can all be
guilty of just breezing though painful experiences like divorce or redundancy
and not really acknowledging the impact on us at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or, on the other hand, we may allow ourselves
to drown in the pain of loss and not be able to move forward or let go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Letting go isn’t easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I myself
am currently processing a a lot of changes, mostly positive though equally
unsettling- moving house (twice), starting another business and am about to
welcome the arrival of my first child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Initially, this sparked off a lot of fear as I’ve had to surrender to
the fact that my life will never be the same, and nor will I.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Anais Nin said: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go
through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where people fail is that they
wish to elect a state and remain in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is a kind of death.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>Embracing
endings is like stepping out of the chrysalis and into the light so we can
stretch ourselves and live a deeper, more fulfilling life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> This can be terrifying.</span></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">The temptation to resist out of fear can be strong though, as can the
sense of wanting justice or consolation for our loss or pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What this only achieves is more pain and
frustration for ourselves, which only disempowers us further.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because change often happens organically, we
are inevitably forced to take action at some point- write that letter, sign
those divorce papers. Once we have taken ownership and control of the ending
(as much as possible), we then allow space for new energy and create ground for
those beginnings to flourish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This year, I encourage you to join me in
my goal to ‘let go and live’ more fully in the present, not allowing the past
to pull you backwards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More simply,
allow a bit of space to just be with your thoughts and feelings each day and
practice surrendering to them, rather than judging or denying your
experiences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See how differently you
feel doing this for a few weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For
inspiration on being more present, try reading Peace Is Every Step: The Path of
Mindfulness in Everyday Life by Thich Nhat Hanh.</span><br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></b><br />
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Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-44052667905657817302013-10-22T07:42:00.001-07:002013-10-22T07:42:49.139-07:00Is Facebook Reducing your Wellbeing?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="http://blog.latism.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/facebook-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="http://blog.latism.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/facebook-2.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Facebook
lowers life Satisfaction</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">According to a recent study Facebook can make us feel
worse about ourselves and our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Facebook is widely regarding as a way of keeping in touch with our friends
and family and allowing us to stay well connected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The study conducted by The universities of
Michigan and Leuven in Belgium recruited a group of young people in their late
teens and early 20’s to test this out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Participants were text messaged five times a day for 14 days with an
online survey asking questions like <i>‘How do you feel right now?’</i> and <i>‘How much
have you used Facebook since the last time we asked?’ </i>and completed a life
satisfaction survey before and after.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The researchers reported that the more the participants
used Facebook, the more unhappy and dissatisfied they felt with their lives;
whereas direct social contact made them feel better about themselves and had no
negative effects on their life satisfaction. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was found that Facebook was more likely to
be used when the individuals felt bad which subsequently made them feel
worse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Social comparison with peers and
friends was cited as one of the main reasons which lead to increased feelings
of dissatisfaction and lower states of wellbeing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Facebook
linked to Narcissism</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Other studies* looking at the correlation between social
media use and narcissism in those in middle age also indicates that there is a
link between narcissistic traits and amount of Facebook use.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In our self obsessed ‘generation me’ culture,
people are seemingly more needy for validation and approval than ever before
and with social media those needs are met instantly. Self worth may lower if we
feel that we aren’t achieving the same amount of ‘likes’ on our posts or aren’t
having as an exciting life as our peers as we perceive it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The studies suggest however that certain
personality traits such as exhibitionism can be magnified with use of social
media rather than Social media being the problem in itself. </span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Facebook
isn’t the core issue</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Studies conclude that there is no substitute for face to
face contact though should we cut ourselves off from Social Media
altogether?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can be a source of great
social support for younger and older generations alike and enables us to keep
in touch with people when in our busy lives we wouldn’t otherwise do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are certain indicators like existing
low self esteem issues and loneliness that make some more vulnerable to being
affected by Facebook use. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Like any
platform, it is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">how</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">when</i> we use it that is key to our
Psychological wellbeing and it being a positive rather than a negative addition
in our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Here’s
5 tips for keeping yourself and your family sane whilst using Facebook:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Keep Boundaries around yours and your
family’s Facebook Use: </span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">With Smartphones and iPads, we are all
switched onto Social Media 24-7 and it can easily eat up your spare time. Have
certain times in the day when you switch it off and spend time speaking on
the phone and face to face with your family and friends.<span style="mso-list: Ignore;"></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></b></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Avoid Using Facebook when you’re in a
low or frustrated mood.</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As research suggests, it only creates a further downer when you do, so
be more conscious of doing things like going out for a run or phoning a good
friend to boost your mood. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></b></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Ask yourself what is the purpose for you
using Facebook and does it really add something positive to your life?</span></b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">If
it doesn’t and the negatives outweigh the positives, consider deleting your
account and encouraging your friends/family to use another social media
platform like Instagram or Twitter to keep in touch.</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">If you or a family member is using
Facebook because you’re feeling lonely or isolated, consider other options.</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Social media is easily accessible though it
can lower confidence and self esteem if other social outlets aren’t
utilised.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Consider joining a group for a
hobby you enjoy or starting a night class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If you feel you need support to overcome your barriers, you may consider
<a href="http://www.lotus-therapeutics.com/" target="_blank">speaking to a Therapist</a> for support.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Finally, try changing the way you use
Facebook so it becomes a more positive social outlet in your life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Rather than moaning for
instance as a lot of people do (or on the other handing, showing off about how
wonderful your life is!) try sharing something positive or inspiring that has
happened to you or you’ve come across.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If certain ‘friends’ on Facebook become regularly annoying or negative,
try deleting them from your Facebook newsfeed or deleting them altogether!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Weave a new social fabric in your life
and experience your positivity grow.</span></span></li>
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</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">*http://www.slate.com/blogs/future_tense/2013/09/24/facebook_s_for_middle_aged_narcissists_twitter_for_young_ones.html</span></span></div>
Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-17684012690231315582013-07-25T02:45:00.001-07:002013-07-25T02:45:26.151-07:00How your Eyes are the Key to Releasing your Past<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="http://www.lookupinfo.org/images/macroc_eye_30042010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="http://www.lookupinfo.org/images/macroc_eye_30042010.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”<span> </span></i>Wayne Dyer</span></span></div>
</blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In the film, Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind, lovers
Joel and Clementine (Jim Carey and Kate Winslet) try and erase their memories
of each other following a fight.<span> </span>As you
watch the film in reverse, you witness the memories through the perspective of Joel’s
unconscious mind as they are erased.<span> </span>A
lot of us might identify with wanting that ‘quick fix’ to dissolve the pain of
our past or to get over a distressing ending in our lives.<span> </span>Trauma does need time to process though being
able to quickly detach from past memories and emotional pain is no longer the
stuff of movies. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A new form of treatment “Eye Movement Desensitisation and
Reprocessing” (EMDR) developed by <span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white;">Francine Shapiro </span><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white;">in
the 1980’s </span>has been shown to effectively help sufferers of Post-Traumatic
Stress Disorder as well as other Anxiety, phobia and Mood disorders. The
effectiveness of EMDR Therapy has been well established as the result of more
than 20 randomized controlled studies. The idea of this therapy is to recall
the experiences in a safe, comfortable environment, and this helps the individual
to realise that they are no longer under threat, which reduces their anxiety
and stress.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A Typical EMDR procedure:</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span>1.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>The
therapist will discuss any <u>expectations</u> with you and what you want to
achieve through the treatment. This is often to ensure that desires are
realistic and they know how it can benefit them.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span>2.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>The
therapist then <u>explains how the procedure will be carried out</u>, and if you
give consent, they will begin.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span>3.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>First
you are taught a <u>simple breathing exercise</u> to help with anxiety – facing
your fears can be very stressful, and it’s important that they is calm and
relaxed. A typical breathing exercise here is to breathe in through nose for 7
seconds, and out through the mouth for 11 seconds – this combination is known
to trigger neurons in the brain associated with peace and relaxation.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span>4.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>They
begin; the therapist <u>moves their finger in front of your eyes</u>, continuing
to do so, and you will find that their eyes naturally follow it, and that you get
into the rhythm. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span>5.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>The
therapist will then <u>gently ask a question</u>, such as “What was your first
experience of ___?” or “How did you react to ____?” to get to the first memory
to process. Of course, if they are not comfortable enough to answer, the
therapist will not persist and the EMDR will continue regardless.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span>6.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>The
therapist then begins processing the memory and asks what you notice on each
set of taps or eye movements every <u>15-30 second </u>intervals. You will
typically experience a change in the memories and feelings as the process
continues and you feel more relaxed. I describe it as being on a train where
the scenery changes but not getting off at any stop. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span>7.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Towards
the end of the therapy, you will be asked to <u>visualise leaving through a
doorway </u>– this symbolises the end of an experience, leaving the memories
and the pain behind. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span>8.<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Once
the EMDR is finished, you will do more <u>calming breathing exercises</u>, and you will discuss with the therapist how you felt. Typically, treatment needed
is between 2-4 sessions depending on the issue.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">There are many variations of the EMDR procedure, including
simple eye movements, watching an LED light travel and flash, listening to
tones and many more.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Although EMDR is a budding, young method of therapy, it has
been shown as very effective and more recent research has shown it to be
helpful to sufferers of many things; eating disorders, addictions, OCD, panic
attacks and anxiety. It is a safe therapy with <b><u>no side effects.</u></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Alexandra Bacon is an
experienced EMDR Therapist based in the<a href="http://www.lotus-therapeutics.com/" target="_blank"> East Midlands</a>.<span> </span></b></span></span></div>
Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-33558616047124514272013-07-06T06:05:00.001-07:002013-07-06T06:05:12.436-07:00Looking out for Men's Mental Health<!--[if !mso]>
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<![endif]--><span style="font-size: small;"><i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">“If you add loneliness <span style="font-size: small;">to</span> depression,
you really are in a world of… appalling pain.” – Stephen Fry</span></i></span></div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.suicideprevention.ie/images/content/male_depression_and_suicide.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.suicideprevention.ie/images/content/male_depression_and_suicide.jpg" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Men
are <span style="font-size: small;">beginni<span style="font-size: small;">ng to</span></span> seek more help through their GP's and visit th</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">erapists
more than they were before. <span style="font-size: small;">A</span> stigma still remains however around admitting to suffering from a mental
health problem which creates<span style="font-size: small;"> further isolation and often a se<span style="font-size: small;">nse of hopelessness and </span>desp<span style="font-size: small;">air</span></span>.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"> </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Suicide </span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">rates
have shown that men are three to four times more likely to commit suicide than
women. We need to consider why that is, and what we can do <span style="font-size: small;">to a<span style="font-size: small;">dd<span style="font-size: small;">ress</span></span></span> it.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Possible
reasons for higher rates of male suicide include:</span><span><span><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Men
are less likely than women to talk about their feelings – they tend to isolate
themselves.</span></i></span>
</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><i><span><span><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Men
are less likely to seek professional help (e.g. counselling, therapy,
medication) than women.</span></i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><i><span><span><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Men
have higher rates of drug and alcohol misuse than women, and are much more
likely to use this to mask their symptoms of depression.</span></i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><i><span><span><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">They
demonstrate their feelings externally (e.g. shouting, getting angry) and close
things off internally (e.g. “I’m fine”)</span></i></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">And, above
all:</span>
</span><ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"></span></span></span><i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Social
ideals and pressures of masculinity demands that men “Stay strong” or, here’s a
good one, “man up”.</span></i></span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">It must be
recognised and understood that men too are victims of domestic violence, sexual
violence such as rape, and violence and abuse from other men. It is all too
overlooked; as a society we often think of women as being more vulnerable to
these things, especially the domestic and sexual violence, but this is not the case. It is possible that men simply do not report the incidents as often,
because they are maybe embarrassed or ashamed. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">What can
we do about this?</span></u></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="color: #00b050; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Men’s Minds Matter </span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">is an organisation that hopes to
better raise awareness of male problems and mental health issues, and also to
provide support for those and the families of those who are affected. They have
been “working closely with other psychologists, professionals and organisations
to develop ideas on how to improve the psychological wellbeing of men and boys”
says the Director of Men’s Minds Matter, Dr Luke Sullivan. Through this, they
have begun <b><span style="color: #00b050;">The
Men’s Institute</span></b>, which as well as being very useful is another step
to recognising that men need this support, as well as women do. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">If would like
more information about this matter or no someone who might benefit from it,
visit <a href="http://www.mensmindsmatter.com/">http://www.mensmindsmatter.com/</a>
or <a href="http://www.mensmindsmatter.com/the-mens-institute.html">http://www.mensmindsmatter.com/the-mens-institute.html</a>
for resources and support.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Other
organisations such as Mind <a href="http://www.mind.org.uk/">http://www.mind.org.uk/</a>
and Time to Change <a href="http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/">http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/</a>
will also be useful, and also Terry Real’s book, “I don't Want to Talk About
it: The Secret Legacy of Male Depression” is a very good and helpful read.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Considering visiting your GP or speaking to a Therapist might also help you to start resolving some of your underlying issues and g<span style="font-size: small;">ain</span> more support. For more information on our services, visit <a href="http://www.lotus-therapeutics.com/">www.lotus-therapeutics.com</a>. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-83160304922711482902013-02-24T07:43:00.000-08:002013-02-24T07:43:32.189-08:00How Lying & Keeping Secrets Affects our Health
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<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></u><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“The most common
lie is that which one lies to himself; lying to others is relatively an
exception” – Friedrich Nietzsche. </span></i>
</div>
</blockquote>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.ionpsych.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/lying-main_full1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="http://www.ionpsych.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/lying-main_full1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There are many reasons why a person might start to tell lies. It may
be that they have something to gain from it, or that they are protecting
someone who might be hurt by the truth- or, that they are ashamed or
feel guilty about something. They may not want to worry those
around them if the truth turns out to be negative, such as finding out the results of hospital tests for example. Alternatively, it could be a white lie,
such as “I am too tired to go out tonight" to avoid conflict or please others. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">According to Harvard psychologist William Pollack, Ph.D, telling lies
and keeping secrets can actually be bad for your health. Of course, we all know
that certain lies <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">need </b>to be told
and certain secrets <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">must </b>be kept. We
just have to make sure we know when to lie or when to tell the truth. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When to do which</span></u><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
<br />
Tell the truth if:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Someone asks you
outright – if you lie to someone directly, chances are that if they find out
you will have damaged the trust within that relationship. Your friend, relative
or partner will always remember it and never be sure whether you’re telling the
truth or not in the future.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s making you
tense and anxious – If you’re keeping a secret or have begun to tell lies and
it’s making you nervous, tense and wound up, it’s better to come clean and put
yourself (and everyone around you) out of their misery. </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The situation isn’t
too bad yet – If you can see things getting worse it’s good to come clean,
especially if you think there might be ways to solve the problem or solutions
that can be thought of behind the reason you lied/kept a secret.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Keep the secret or continue lying if:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s not your
secret – Telling someone else’s secret might lead to gossip as well as breaking
that person’s trust. Also, that person might have decided they want to sort it
out themselves, and so you will shame them by getting there first. If it’s not
your business it’s better not to trouble with it and support their decision in
whether or not to tell.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You intend to tell
it within days – Sometimes “Now just isn’t the right time”, and that’s okay.
These things are better dealt with if everyone is in a good mood and ready to
talk deeply about an issue.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt;">
<u><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So How do Lies and Secrets Affect my
Health?</span></u></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Telling lies or keeping secrets is prone to making you
anxious and on edge. Having something on your mind all the time isn’t good for
you, especially if it’s linked to danger, e.g. someone finding out and exposing
you, or the worry of others getting hurt etc. This makes us begin a “fight or
flight” response, in which adrenaline is constantly in our bodies, which can be
damaging long term and cause illnesses such as Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Telling lies or keeping secrets distract you from your daily
routine – you are more likely to make mistakes, forget things, and make
physical activities seem more difficult.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Sometimes the secret itself is something you should be
talking about. Having a “Big secret” can be very taxing if you have no one you
feel you can tell, and therefore are not getting the appropriate support from
family and friends. If you need someone to talk to but feel you have nowhere to
turn, you might be better off <a href="http://www.lotusheal.co.uk/" target="_blank">talking to a therapist, </a>calling a
helpline such as the <b>Samaritans 08457 90 90 90</b>,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>or <a href="https://www.turn2me.org/index.php/forum/index?gclid=COe9qIuSxbUCFczHtAod3C0A6Q" target="_blank">asking for help on an internet forum.</a> </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-add-space: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Try and do what’s
best for yourself and the people you love. This might involve making a
difficult choice or coming clean about something. Whether you choose to lie
or tell the truth, keep the secret or reveal it,<b> t</b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">hink about whether or not it is
justified, </b>and if <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">the
good consequences outweigh the bad.</b><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div>
Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-35073007069109287872013-02-12T08:57:00.001-08:002013-02-12T08:57:04.573-08:00Your Wellbeing- Improved with Gratitude<!--[if !mso]>
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.thechangeblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/gratitude.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.thechangeblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/gratitude.jpg" width="278" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Gratitude
unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It
turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn
a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” – Melody
Beattie</span></i></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;">Expressing gratitude
improves your attitude (and your well being). But just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">saying </i>“thank you” isn’t enough – From your heart you have to
really <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">mean </b>it, although merely
expressing it is a good starting point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;">Gratitude:</span></u></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;"> The quality of being thankful;
readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;">It can be
hard to be grateful sometimes. After a long day at work with various trials and
tribulations, sometimes when we get home we forget to appreciate the small
things – Your partner cooking tea, or the kids bouncing down the stairs to
greet you, your friend popping round with a book they thought you might like. Little
things which we should be grateful for often get lost during the stress of
every day life, but research has shown that if we start to notice and
appreciate these things, we will also notice lots of <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">health benefits</b>;</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;">Better sleeping, more social connections, improvement
in overall happiness, higher levels of Energy, increased optimism</span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;">And are less
likely to be;</span></div>
<ul style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;">Depressed, greedy or have alcohol dependency
issues</span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;">(Taken from Melinda Beck of the
Wall Street Journal)</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;">One Method </span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;">of increasing your gratitude is
taking a step back and looking at the world in a rational way, i.e. is this
situation <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i> so bad/hopeless?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Often it is easy for us to get into ‘black
and white’ thinking which means we can magnify our problems or discount what is
good about the situation. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;">Cognitive Behavioural Therapy </span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;">offers useful tools to<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b>help you to
get past disfunctional thought processes and teach you to see the good in every
situation and challenge any irrational thoughts. A simple strategy I often
recommend to clients is to question the evidence of your thoughts and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘is this really true?’ </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This helps engage the more logical part of
your mind to counteract the negative thought.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;">Random Acts of Kindness </span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;">also increases your wellbeing as
it helps you to feel good about yourself, and increases your gratitude as you
start to appreciate that the “Little things” really do matter. This week is Random Acts of Kindness week- <a href="http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/" target="_blank">have a look at the website for more information and how to get involved.</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;">The benefits
are clearly worth trying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be grateful.
Notice the little things, say thank you, and you’ll start to feel happier, more
energised and optimistic. Be thankful for the effort people put in, and the
things that they do for you. The more you notice them, the more you will learn
to appreciate them, and in turn make <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that
person</i> feel more appreciated.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;">Returning
acts of kindness is also another way to show your appreciation and gratitude towards
someone. Maybe even keep a journal with a list of everything you are grateful at
the end of each day, no matter how small. Develop an 'attitude of gratitude' and notice the results!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-19745815169178290452013-01-28T13:45:00.001-08:002013-01-28T13:45:13.296-08:00Anti Depressants- do they really work?
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Pain
could be killed. Sadness could not, but the drugs did shut its mouth for a
time.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Colson Whitehead, Zone One</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.instablogsimages.com/1/2011/11/09/antidepressants_xtppl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.instablogsimages.com/1/2011/11/09/antidepressants_xtppl.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There is currently a debate around whether Anti depressants
are being overused for treating Depression and if there is really a strong
enough evidence base for them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Statistics show that at least 1 in 10 people in the UK
suffer from depression, it’s prevalence being slightly higher in women, with 1
in 20 of sufferers being as a result of clinical depression.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anti depressant prescriptions in the UK have
increased by 9.6% in 2011, to 46 million prescriptions and continue to rise.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There is no question that most people with Depression report
a reduction in their symptoms though research shows that improvement appears to
be due to psychological factors, i.e., the placebo effect. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Evidence is currently inconclusive about how
much the Placebo effect is involved. We could ask, how much of the
effectiveness of medication is due to the active ingredients and the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">non </i>Placebo effect? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">From my own experiences of working with hundreds of clients
with Depression, both Clinical (i.e. from a chemical Serotonin imbalance) and
‘Reactive’ (as a result of a response to an event or stressor), Anti
Depressants do have their place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many initially
report an improvement using Anti Depressants though often, alone they aren’t
enough to resolve the underlying factors that cause it in the first place and that
help maintain it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For instance, taking a
pill when experiencing work stress may buffer against some of the negative
emotional effects though unless the underlying triggers are addressed, things
may not change long term. With some clients, Anti Depressants have little
effect or in some cases, cause a worsening of symptoms as a result of unpleasant
side effects.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Dr Ian Reid, Professor of Psychiatry at the University of
Aberdeen, says "Antidepressants are but one element available in the
treatment of depression, not a panacea,"…they can have harmful side
effects, and they certainly don't help everyone with the disorder. But they are
not overprescribed. Careless reportage has demonised them in the public eye,
adding to the stigmatisation of mental illness, and erecting unnecessary
barriers to effective care."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE)
guidelines doesn’t promote the use of Anti depressants as a first port of call
for treating moderate depression though instead advocates talking therapies such as CBT
(Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and Interpersonal Therapy initially. Often
however, long NHS waiting lists prevent individuals accessing services.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>GP’s only option then is to prescribe
medication to patients when there are few alternatives available.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Posing my question at the beginning, is there enough
evidence to support the widespread use of Anti Depressants; one might argue, if
it makes people feel better, why worry about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">how</i> that happens? Perhaps the individual’s belief in the pill as
well as the scientific base causes the improvement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Often, the therapeutic benefit of talking about
our problems and expressing our feelings to a professional such as a GP is part
of the healing effect;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘It’s good to
talk’ as BT says.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The promotion of medication alone however, dismisses the
wider implications of creating a culture of ‘pill popping’ rather than
addressing underlying causes and socioeconomic factors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
should be asking <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">why</i> has depression
become endemic, not only in the UK but worldwide and how can we
change it? In our modern ‘quick fix’ society, we are prone to avoiding the real
issues when we need to take a move in the direction of change and start doing
something differently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-30918219452804906292013-01-02T09:19:00.000-08:002013-01-02T09:19:19.194-08:00How to Stay Resolute this Year<!--[if !mso]>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“How
few there are who have courage enough to own their faults, or resolution enough
to mend them” – Benjamin Franklin</span></i></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://blu.stb.s-msn.com/i/E0/DB1D25FE50AF778AF3D8B6CEACF55B_h369_w526_m2_bblack_q100_p100_cVKScJxPf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="http://blu.stb.s-msn.com/i/E0/DB1D25FE50AF778AF3D8B6CEACF55B_h369_w526_m2_bblack_q100_p100_cVKScJxPf.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;"><br /></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></i></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Change</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> can
sometimes be very daunting, especially when it comes to sticking to a
resolution you have decided upon yourself. We don’t always adjust well to
change, and it can be challenging and stressful to keep up willpower or reach
targets we set ourselves. It can also be very distressing when we fail, so here
we offer all the help we can to assist your achievement, and give advice on
what to do when things don’t quite go to plan…</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Top Four resolutions</span></u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(source: University of Washington):</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Increase exercise</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Tips for Sticking to your Goals:</span></u></b></div>
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<b><u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Reward
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Talk
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around you can greatly improve your success with a resolution. They might even
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Track
Your Progress – </span></u></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Keep an eye on how you’re doing. This can
increase your motivation, as you’ll see how well you’re doing, or which areas
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Good luck, and stay positive. This isn’t the be all and
end all of making the changes that you want in life. A new year is a fresh
start in many ways, not just resolutions. And if you’re having trouble thinking
of resolutions, look back over last year and think of things you might want to
have changed or done differently if you had the opportunity. Don’t regret
what’s in the past – use it to create yourself a better future.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">A useful website in which you can select a
resolution and track your progress:<br />
<span style="color: #00b050;"><a href="https://www.resolutions.change4life.co.uk/">https://www.resolutions.change4life.co.uk/</a></span></span><br />
Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-74328068761553914542012-12-26T12:17:00.000-08:002012-12-26T12:17:00.241-08:00Men and Depression: The Internal Conflict<!--[if !mso]>
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<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Depression
is rage spread thin” - George Santayana</span></i></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://img2.timeinc.net/health/images/slides/depression-symptoms-men-400x400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://img2.timeinc.net/health/images/slides/depression-symptoms-men-400x400.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Depression affects 6 million men every year <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">in America alone</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Reasons for depression that men have reported
include: trouble in an important relationship, unemployment, pregnancy or
childbirth, separation/divorce, retirement, and work stress.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There is a lot of pressure upon men in our society to maintain
a sense of “masculinity” and being a “real man”. Sometimes this means that when
a man feels desperate, lonely or <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">depressed
</b>– he will hide his feelings and keep things bottled up. Because of this,
men are three times more likely to commit suicide than women <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(statistic from the Royal College of
Psychiatrists</i>).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There is a common misconception that women are the more
body conscious, the more emotional and the more soulful of the sexes – but this
is not true. A man may look into the mirror and hate his appearance, doubting
himself for not being muscular enough, for being short, not having much chest
hair etc. Similarly, men feel the same emotional range as women and can also
suffer from depression or anxiety. They just tend to keep it much more hidden.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">If you think you know a man who is suffering with
depression, be sensitive about it. He may not want to admit to himself or you
that he is out of his depth. Men traditionally see themselves as having a lot
of responsibility; earn the wage, be the protector, be man of the house. And
when they start to struggle they see it as a failure. A crisis of masculinity,
if you like.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Things you need to know and look for concerning <u>Male
Depression:</u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Coping
Mechanisms</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> – Male coping mechanisms differ a lot from female coping
strategies. A man might throw himself into an activity, focussing a lot on work
or sport to avoid dealing with his problems or distract himself. Also, the man in
question might resort to impulsive strategies such as <span style="color: red;"><span style="color: black;">alcohol
or drugs</span> </span>to cope with the feelings they are experiencing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Downplaying
signs or symptoms </span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">– Men are much more likely to ignore or
justify the feelings they are experiencing than females.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Reluctance
to discuss things</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> – Men probably wont want to discuss they
feelings with anyone, let alone a mental health professional. It’s better to
reach out to your man in a caring, casual way when encouraging to seek help,
e.g. “It’s probably nothing darling, but it might be worth just popping to see
Dr Smith in case he has any suggestions” than “You are depressed and I’m taking
you to see a Psychiatrist on Monday!”.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Emotions</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> –
Men are likely to feel anger, violence or frustration rather than sadness when
they are depressed.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Physical
vs Emotional </span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">– Males are likely to report feelings of
physical pain such as headaches, backaches, dizziness, chest and joint pain
rather than emotional discomfort.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">If you think that your partner, son, brother, father or
male friend is suffering from depression, try to encourage them to seek help from a Doctor or Psychotherapist
without pressuring them or making a big “fuss” about it. The Royal College of
Psychiatrists offers helpful information here: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #00b050;"><a href="http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/expertadvice/problems/depression/mendepression.aspx">http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/expertadvice/problems/depression/mendepression.aspx</a></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><b><span style="color: #00b050;"> </span></b></span></div>
Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-17400204621810963442012-12-04T03:11:00.000-08:002012-12-04T03:23:05.727-08:00From Angry to Assertive in 10 Steps<style>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Holding
on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at
someone else; you are the one who gets burned." Buddha</span></i><i><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=397446329377540612"></a></span></span></i></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.examiner.com/images/blog/EXID21876/images/Angry-man-001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="http://www.examiner.com/images/blog/EXID21876/images/Angry-man-001.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">It’s National
Anger Awareness week this week- an opportunity for us to increase our
understanding of and get more savvy with ways of managing our anger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my experience as a Therapist, Anger is one
of the most misunderstood emotions; either one to be feared or revered- allowing a gain or loss of control over situations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Due to faulty
conditioning as children and living in a culture of suppression, rather than
expression of feelings, anger can often become a toxic rather than empowering
emotion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We characterize it with the
person that loses control at the wheel, the man who beats his wife- it is <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">bad </b>to have anger we say as it can do
so much harm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always say to my clients
that every emotion is a valid one and anger can be more positive than most if
channeled in the right way.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">For example, if
none of us felt any anger, would we ever fight injustice or stand up and be
counted?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I doubt it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The problems come when we choose to repress
our feelings and allow them to fester until they transform into something else
that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can</i> do harm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The solution? Quite simply, learn to be
assertive and say it like it is!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Being assertive or congruent with your feelings may feel foreign to you at the moment. Though, it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can </i>be
learned, like any skill and you may be assertive in some situations more than others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think back to times at work or in your personal life when you exhibited more
assertive behaviour, what was the difference?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Perhaps there is a certain context such as with your partner where you
struggle with being assertive. To begin with, try these steps for learning new
ways of changing your communication:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Create some space around the argument</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"> before mentally scripting what you need to
say using positive language: “I want to clear the air between us and discuss
this..”</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Use 1<sup>st</sup> Person Language and own
your point of view</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">- “I
feel…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"><b>Get
out of the Blame/Shame game</b>: Remember, you have choices as to how you feel, no
one can <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">make</i> you angry!</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Be specific</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"> on what triggered your anger and the degree of it-
slightly annoyed- rage?</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Acknowledge your part in the situation</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">- own responsibility for anything you did-
remember this is a strength, not a weakness.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">At
the same time, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">avoid self put-downs or
criticisms</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Backing down from an
argument in order to please only gets you into the passive role.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Get out of Mind reading</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;"> what the other person is thinking or
feeling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You need to have evidence based
on fact not assumptions!</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Focus on the Behaviour</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">, not the person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>i.e. “That was a selfish thing that you
did.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> r</span>ather than “You’re a
selfish/angry person.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Offer a positive for changing the behaviour</span></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">- i.e. “We will be able to feel more able to
communicate in future and get our needs met.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">10.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Finally,
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">always use Assertive rather than passive</b>
or aggressive language: “I feel”, “I would like”, “In my opinion..”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">Remember, assertiveness also encompasses your voice
tonality, body language and posture- this is supposed to be 55% of how we
communicate so it is key to how others receive your communication, not just the words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial;">If you feel anger is something that is controlling
your life, take a look at <a href="http://www.beatinganger.com/national-anger-awareness-week-2012" target="_blank">the beating anger website </a>or consider <a href="http://www.lotusheal.co.uk/#/testimonials/4540267763" target="_blank">speaking to a Therapist in confidence</a>. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-2346266524109004032012-11-25T10:02:00.003-08:002012-11-25T10:08:46.842-08:00Jingle Hells- How Avoid the Christmas Stress<style>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Next to a circus there ain't nothing that
packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit!” – Frank McKinney
Hubbard.</span></i> </blockquote>
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<a href="http://www.worldoffemale.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Christmas-Stress.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://www.worldoffemale.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Christmas-Stress.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Christmas can be a very stressful time of year – so much planning and
organising, living up to expectations, spending time with that Uncle you hate,
making sure everything is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">perfect…</i>There
are lots of things you can do to prevent the Christmas stress from getting to
you.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Some top tips are:</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><b>Give up unrealistic Internal Demands:</b> </span></u><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Too many people at
Christmas think “Everyone must have a good time” or “I must organise things
perfectly”. Therapist Yvonne Wildi says that </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="background-color: white;">
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</style></span></span> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">“<span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white;">Magazines, shops and television
programmes create an almost impossible to achieve level of perfection which
often bears little in relation to reality but many of us still feel driven to
try and achieve the fantasy.”</span></span></i>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">To set yourself such
idealistic targets is surely going to add to your stress greatly. It’s much
better to think of things in a more flexible way. You’re not responsible for
other people’s enjoyment – <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">they </b>are.
Stop hoping to reach the impossible levels of expectation, as it’s not going to
happen. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Try not to Pressurise yourself: </span></u></b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This is closely
related to the internal demands, but on a more basic level. If you don’t reach
your targets, never mind. Try again tomorrow. </span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Stop Catastrophising: </span></u></b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something might go wrong and you think “This
is awful! It’s the end of the world!” but really just sit back, relax and try
to look at the situation. Be rational about the problem. Is it really “awful”
or is it just an annoying hassle? Looking at things rationally will help you
deal with things better and find a solution for these (often trivial) problems.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><b>Look after Yourself:</b> </span></u><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">With everything going on, we might forget
to eat or drink or take some time out. Make sure you eat well and healthily,
drink enough fluid, and have time to relax. Meeting these criteria will keep
your body at a normal level and help you concentrate better on the tasks ahead. </span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When dealing with Teens: </span></u></b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">At Christmas some parents act in
certain ways or say certain things that push their teenagers back into “Child
mode”. Try to remember that they are <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">young
adults </b>now, and will not want to do the same things as they used to. By
treating them with respect and talking to them in a mature way, you can ensure
that any conflicts or “Stop babying me!” situations will be avoided.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Dealing with Loss or Grief at Christmas: </span></u></b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Christmas can be a
dark and lonely place for those who are suffering loss. It will draw your
attention to those who “Should be there but aren’t” and often make you feel sad
and even guilty for continuing without them. The glaring happiness others feel
can sometimes have a negative effect, but just try to remember that although
loved ones are gone, loved ones still remain. Try to enjoy your time with your
friends and family as much as possible, whilst fondly thinking of those who are
no longer with you. It’s okay to feel sad at Christmas. </span></div>
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<span class="huge"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Remember not
to forget the main point of Christmas and allow any stress diminish from the
pleasure of enjoying time with family and friends. As Calvin Coolidge says:<i>
"Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish
peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of
Christmas."</i></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="huge bqQuoteLink"></span></span></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-72699734658560348592012-11-20T03:20:00.001-08:002012-11-20T03:20:18.980-08:00How to Change Your Reality in 4 Steps
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<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Reality
is merely is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one"</span></i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Albert Einstein</span></i></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HsIoe-PhIUU/UKtkl9ckv9I/AAAAAAAAAGU/bj-s4HZ4zkI/s1600/CBT.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HsIoe-PhIUU/UKtkl9ckv9I/AAAAAAAAAGU/bj-s4HZ4zkI/s200/CBT.jpg" width="135" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">The way we perceive the world
is a guide to how we navigate our way through it via out filters of experience-
our map.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see, ‘reality’ as we see it
is only an edited version of the ‘real thing’- the territory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of us operate as if our map that we hold
in our minds is the reality that everyone else uses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We then make assumptions and deletions based
on our perceptions, resulting in stress and conflict as we learn that others don’t
think the same way!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">We create a very limited view
of the world which often leaves us feeling without choice, stressed and unhappy
that others aren’t doing it right. Or, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">we
</i>feel we seem to be getting it wrong (depending on what our model says) !<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The question I often ask my clients is, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘would you like to change this view’?</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of them say yes of course though with a
having a map comes a certain amount of investment in that view of the world and a fear
of what might happen if I change it?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><a href="http://www.lotus-therapeutics.com/" target="_blank">As a therapist,</a> I aim to
challenge the ‘reality’ of a person’s experience whilst respecting their model
of the world as being theirs and unique.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I do not wish to trample on what has been their foundation for years of
experience though perhaps offer them a different perspective from a third
person’s point of view.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This in itself
can be liberating.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">To begin shifting your reality, work through the following steps to begin editing your experiences:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Bring a
stressful or negative memory or thought to mind- make sure you make it as
powerful as possible- sense and connect with the colours, feelings, sounds again.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Check in
with yourself- <i>would it be okay to let go of any unpleasant feelings associated
with it? </i>If ‘no’ then ask yourself ‘what is the positive purpose of keeping
it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>i.e. so you don’t do it again or so
you can ‘punish’ that person or yourself? Be curious. </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Next,
notice how you think about the thought or memory you’re accessing then:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 72.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">If
you’re associated (in it), dissociate (see yourself in it like a movie)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 72.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Turn it
black and white if it is in colour.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 72.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">If it is
in 3D, make the memory flat like you’re seeing it on a screen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 72.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Shrink
it down in size until you have it about the size of a postcard, flat and black
and white in front of you. </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 72.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">e.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Reach
out in your mind, screw it up and throw it away or burn it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 72.0pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Test it-
Think about the memory now and see how you feel about it now?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it feels better, you’re finished.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If there is no change, try altering the other
submodalities such as making the sound different or quieter or adding a funny soundtrack
to the image or memory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Using humour is
very powerful for changing our perceptions of things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try it next time you are scared of something
or anticipating an event like doing a presentation- imagine the most ridiculous
thing or a commentary by someone who makes you laugh and see how it feels. Feel
free to play with it, after all, it’s your reality!</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<br /></div>
Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-42201902409834199862012-11-10T13:59:00.001-08:002012-11-10T14:34:39.366-08:00Tips for Breaking the Worry Cycle<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Do not worry if
you have built your castles in the air. They are where they should be. Now put
the foundations under them.” - Henry David Thoreau</span></i></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://seasonofpeace.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/cycle-400x400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://seasonofpeace.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/cycle-400x400.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Worry can be mentally and emotionally exhausting. Your kids haven’t been
abducted, you’re happily married and a month ahead on the rent – so what’s the
problem? Why can’t we stop worrying?</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We worry about everything and nothing. Most worriers are aware that
there is no logic in the act of worrying – it is shutting it off which proves
to be the problem! And it can be exhausting.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #331900; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Dr.
Walter Cavert did a study of the things we worry about. He discovered that: </span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #331900; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">40
% of the things we worry about never happen, </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"></span></i><br />
<br />
<i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #331900; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">30
% of our worries concern the past, 12 % of our worries are needless worries
about our health, 10 % of our worries are insignificant or petty (things that
will really not make much of a difference in our lives one way or another).</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"></span></i><br />
<br />
<i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #331900; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">We
have spent 92 % of our emotional energies over things that won’t happen or
things we can’t change.</span></i><br />
<i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #331900; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"> </span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"></span>
</blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Identifying why you worry is a suitable starting point to dealing with
this cycle. For some it might be physical; they have had too much sugar or
caffeine (it is surprising how much of a difference this can make!) or they
haven’t worked out at the gym in a while and feel a bit restless. Or it could
be mental, like stress or dysfunctional thought patterns.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Getting to the root of the worry is essential in breaking the worry
cycle. Find out what is triggering the anxieties, and avoid those triggers. But
how do we figure out what they are? The problem is, worries don’t always have a
reason. It could simply be the fact that everything is going so well which
makes a person nervous as they are expecting it to change! Sometimes, worrying
about something can be reassuring, as if it might solve the problem when the
problem isn’t even there yet. Confused? Us too.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The trick is: Just sit back and relax. Take a minute to laugh at
yourself – worrying about things that don’t exist or running too many 'what if' thoughts? Try mixing up the
associations with the worry- imagine it being like a movie or a comic strip
where you can put a funny soundtrack to it or canned laughter. Do whatever
makes it light hearted or silly and see what happens!</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Avoid the caffeine if you can. It’ll increase your awareness and that
fretful part of your brain will be kicked into overdrive.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Try and figure out if you can take any action against what’s worrying
you. Chances are it’s something so miniscule and irrelevant that when you moan
about it to someone, they’ll tell you to “find some real problems”. But if
there really <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is </i>something, you DO
have a bill due soon – think about ways in which you can deal with that. And if
it’s all under control and you worry anyway? STOP. Cue the laughter. </span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A useful process to follow is to write down all your ‘worries’ and write
down all possible solutions to each problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Don’t analyse, just brainstorm. Then go back and assess which ones are
the best and the pros and cons of each. Next, decide on the most practical
solution.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This helps engage the rational
side of your brain and enables you to see the worry from another
perspective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you struggle with this
exercise, think about what advice you would give a friend if they had the same
issue, or ask another for some ideas for solutions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lastly, ask yourself what is the first step to changing this?
Take action and remember to review your progress. </span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Life is too short. Kick back, put your feet up, and enjoy the ride.
Worrying will get you nowhere and it won’t allow you to have fun. Relax and
take some time to think about what’s good in your life. <a href="http://www.lotus-therapeutics.com/" target="_blank"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Break the cycle today.</b></a></span></div>
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Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-51102324573911713032012-10-07T10:08:00.003-07:002012-10-07T10:08:32.092-07:00World Mental Health Day- Depression: A Global Crisis
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></u><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Even
for me life had its gleams of sunshine.” - Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre.</span></i></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0hpaPpZQKRw/UHG00GuReLI/AAAAAAAAAGA/sv4KKILLP-w/s1600/black-oil-sunflower-seeds-p.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0hpaPpZQKRw/UHG00GuReLI/AAAAAAAAAGA/sv4KKILLP-w/s320/black-oil-sunflower-seeds-p.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">On
the 10<sup>th</sup> of October 2012, we are celebrating the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">20th Anniversary</b> of World Mental Health
Day!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">World
Mental Health Day aims to increase the awareness of the public about mental
health issues. The day </span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">readily opens
discussions of</span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> various mental disorders; many people don't know what they are or how to get the support they need – World Mental Health Day hopes to change that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This
year's theme is <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">depression.</b>
Depression is a serious mental illness affecting over 350 million people world
wide, of all cultures and ages. The World Mental Health Survey conducted in 17
different countries discovered that (on average) a shocking 1 in 20 people
reported having an episode of depression <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">in
the previous year. </i>A study conducted by the European Depression Association
(EDA) of 7000 people found that 1 in 10 of them had taken time off work because
they were depressed. <span style="color: black;">1 in 4 confessed they did not
tell their employer. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It
seems that not only does the general public not realise the seriousness and
frequency of depression, they also do not realise what can be done to help and
maybe even view it as something to hide or be ashamed of.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This
is not the case; Depression is a very serious condition which is often gets <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">out of your control. </b>It is not your
fault you feel this way, and you mustn't blame yourself. Depression consists of
symptoms such as persistant sadness and low mood, a possible change in diet,
trouble sleeping, fatigue, agitation, feelings of worthlessness and poor
concentration. It can make life very difficult. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So
what can help?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Cognitive
behavioural therapy </span></b><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">has proven it's benefits time and time again, as it offers
treatment which teaches lasting life skills which can be applied and used in
every day life. It looks at how you can change any negative thoughts or
patterns that you have in your life, and often helps you to learn how to deal
with emotional problems effectively. It can teach you to step out of your
automatic thoughts.</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mindfulness </span></b><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">is often
taught as therapy for depression. It involves learning how to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">live
in the moment</i> </b>and focus on the beautiful tiny features of every single
day – be it the smell of that coffee or the sight of the morning sky. By paying
attention to the little wonders around you, and not just noticing them but <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really appreciating them, </i>it can help to
ease depression because we realise all the good, special things we have in the
world and how lucky we really are. It can be a transformative experience.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">World
Mental Health Day hopes that by rasing awareness of depression and ways to deal
with it, we can collectively improve the general wellbeing and quality of life
for people worldwide. For more information, visit the <a href="http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-a-z/D/depression/" target="_blank">Mental Health Foundation website.</a></span></div>
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Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-39908923793921241452012-09-30T10:14:00.000-07:002012-09-30T10:15:36.144-07:00Four Steps to Beating Stress at Work<br /><div style="text-align: center;">
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">“The greatest weapon against stress is
our ability to choose one thought over another.” - William James</span></i></div>
</blockquote>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZK3F2PkqK2c/UGh4BRIWXfI/AAAAAAAAAFs/kOG_maJXQNY/s1600/stressed-person.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZK3F2PkqK2c/UGh4BRIWXfI/AAAAAAAAAFs/kOG_maJXQNY/s320/stressed-person.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">You may not realise the
serious implications that stress can have on your every day life. According to
recent research in the <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2012/sep/14/work-stress-risk-heart-attack" target="_blank">Lancet Medical Journal</a>, those who have high stress levels in the workplace
and low control in decision making have a 23% increased risk of a heart attack.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Stress is caused by our
body's natural “fight or flight” defences, releasing chemicals such as
adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol into our bodies. Although this can be a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">fantastic </b>defence mechanism at times,
when these chemicals remain in our bodies for an extended period of time, they
mean business, leading to Chronic stress. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Chronic stress can disrupt
your life in many ways, as well as causing physical changes in your body, resulting in ailments such as Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), sickness and
insomnia. It may may also lead to emotional problems such as arguing with relatives,
lack of confidence and esteem, forgetfulness and even depression. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Luckily, Scientists and Psychologists have been exploring ways in which stress can be reduced and
managed:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Firstly </span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;">– Get organised. If that pile of work is growing, plan what you're going to do
and by when each week. A good mantra is: <i>Defer, Delegate, Delete. </i>Be realistic and prioritise- don't load yourself up with too much
work as chances are this will only increase your stress. Set yourself
reasonable, achievable targets and get them done.</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Secondly</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;"> –
Reflect on the successes of each day. If you managed to get through the tasks
you set yourself, you deserve a pat on the back. If not, don't worry about it
– just spread out the remaining work evenly through the rest of your week's
plan.</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Thirdly –</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;">
Relax. At the end of a hard day, you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">deserve
</i>to put your feet up and read that novel you started 4 months ago and never
got round to. Keep work within the workplace if you can. A few hours at home should be dedicated to spending time alone or with family switching off on a regular basis. </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Fourthly –</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;">
Employ some techniques to reduce your stress levels. Exercise is excellent for stress prevention, as is sex (lucky us!) ; so is seeing your friends and enjoying time with them- or even more focused activities such as Meditation and Mindfulness.
Although this can be hard to grasp at first, there is plenty of help online
such as </span><a href="http://www.how-to-meditate.org/" target="_blank"><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: navy; font-family: Arial;">http://www.how-to-meditate.org/</span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;">. </span></a></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Finally –</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;">We all get stressed at times. You are not alone. It takes some time to reduce
your stress levels, but you can get there. The most helpful thing you can do is
take a positive attitude and try to smile. Take each day at a time. If you're finding yourself overwhelmed by the effects of stress, seeking the help of a Counsellor or Therapist may help. Visit: <a href="http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/" target="_blank">http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk </a> for more information. </span></div>
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Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-73096832497081262182012-09-29T02:42:00.000-07:002012-09-29T02:45:31.399-07:00Something for those Sleepless Nights<!--[if !mso]>
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<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>“A well spent day brings a
happy sleep” - Leonardo Da Vinci</i></span></div>
</blockquote>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OeDn0zKGVEY/UGbBpSPJO_I/AAAAAAAAAFY/xnHJ9MjsbOQ/s1600/sleeping.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OeDn0zKGVEY/UGbBpSPJO_I/AAAAAAAAAFY/xnHJ9MjsbOQ/s200/sleeping.jpg" width="177" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><img height="1" src="file:///C:%5CUsers%5CAlex%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_image002.jpg" width="1" /><i> </i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Insomnia is a common problem
in what can be a stressful world. After a busy day, you'd think it would be
easy to quickly drop off to sleep, but it turns out to be quite the opposite –
we spend hours tossing and turning in what soon becomes a very tedious and
frustrating process.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Often insomnia is linked to
stress. <span style="color: black;">Vgontzas</span> et al (1998) found that those
with higher stress level matched those who got less sleep. Of course the amount
of sleep people need can vary, but it is the quality of the sleep which is
important. Sleep is vital for rejuvenating your body and mind, and a fresh start
in the morning can be just what we need for a happy and productive day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">You've probably heard of the
phrase “Woke up on the wrong side of the bed” - Well here are a few useful
suggestions as to preventing that from happening.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><b style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Make sure you
are comfortable; </b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">whether it's the
temperature of the room, the amount of light, the quality of the mattress – get
to know your needs and work with them to get the best out of the night. This
may involve compensating with a partner to balance both your needs. </span></span></li>
<li style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Start to relax
a few hours before bed; </b>Try and make
a nice routine for yourself, such as having a bath with candles, reading a
book, having a warm milky drink. Doing all these things and getting used to a
bed-time routine can drastically improve your sleeping!</span></li>
<li style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><b>Eliminate
exogenous zeitgebers; </b>Or in layman's
terms, cut out any night-time noise! If you live close to traffic, find some
ear plugs. If you have noisy neighbours, ask them to turn the TV down. This is
especially important if you are working night-shifts and need to sleep in the
day, as these factors will distract you from your sleep and keep your mind in
an active state.</span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">As well as doing all or a few
of the above, there are certain things to avoid when it comes to nodding off.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><b style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Don't sleep on
conflict; </b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">If you and a
partner/relative are having problems, try to resolve these issues before going
to bed, as they will just play on your mind and keep you awake.</span></span></li>
<li style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Don't study in
bed; </b>Whether it's paperwork, finance,
or you happen to be a student, bed is not the place for work. Everything must
be dealt with elsewhere, as you will come to associate your bed with stress and
work, and you may end up feeling more alert around it!<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></li>
<li style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><b>Don't stay in
bed if you can't sleep; </b>Get up, go
downstairs and keep yourself occupied – but with a relaxing task such as
reading or listening to some calming music.</span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Remember, if this becomes a
recurring problem for you rather than occasional, there are other options you
can take. <a href="http://www.lotusevolution.com/our-services/parents-young-people/cognitive-behavioural-therapy.html" target="_blank">Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)</a> has been shown in recent study <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/sep/22/dreamland-insomnia-sleep-cbt-drugs" target="_blank">(Morinet al, 2004) to be more effective </a>than sleeping pills when
dealing with long term insomnia. It was discovered that in the short term
sleeping pills are helpful, but in the long term, the insomnia needs to be
fought with using techniques and improved sleeping habits, which is just what
<a href="http://www.lotusevolution.com/our-services/parents-young-people/cognitive-behavioural-therapy.html" target="_blank">CBT can do for you.</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-18585094587331367792012-08-08T10:42:00.003-07:002012-08-08T10:42:52.840-07:00Greater Steps Towards Happiness Step 6: Change Your Tune<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://thebuyosphere.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/listening_to_radio.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="230" src="http://thebuyosphere.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/listening_to_radio.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">A lot of people act as if happiness is a state of mind
that happens ‘to them’ or is out of their control, rather like falling in love.
The belief that being happy is dependent on certain external circumstances or
people also makes happiness often feel out of reach and something we have to
strive for.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Viktor Frankl, a survivor from Auschwitz has the view
that, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“The one thing you can’t take away
from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s
freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given circumstance.”</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He realised that despite being in such an
awful situation, he still had the choice to find meaning and peace of mind and
wouldn’t allow this final right to be denied.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We so often cheat ourselves of the right to choose our
state in any given time and run the same inner dialogue about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘ill be happy when..’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘I
don’t deserve...’</i> rather than being present with our experience. We may
also blame or project what we see as our lack of happiness onto others or circumstances,
rather than taking responsibility for how we feel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gain awareness of what patterns of your limiting
thoughts by keeping a diary for a week or two; then notice how they are
influencing your state and challenge their validity- are they <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i> true? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Holding onto unhelpful thoughts may help justify to
ourselves or others why we don’t feel happy just yet or why we are so
stuck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ask yourself: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘what’s stopping me from letting this negative thought go?’ </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is rather like staying tuned into a Radio
station that is feeding you depressing songs over and over again- you want to
change the station though somehow, you are so used to it so you keep
listening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Realising it is a choice how we feel and moving our thoughts in a different direction allows a more positive state change.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Practice switching your thoughts onto what is positive in
your life and reframing what your experience is: For example, <i>‘It was great
that most of my friends remembered my birthday’,</i> rather than, <i>‘I’m so upset
that so and so didn’t remember, she always does.’</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><i> </i> </span>Trying something a bit radical that changes
your state like juggling or Laughter Yoga might also help you get in touch with your playful
side- don't be afraid to experiment!</span></div>Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-15944561335904688362012-06-27T10:32:00.002-07:002012-06-27T10:32:31.485-07:00Greater Steps Towards Happiness- Step 5: Learning to Let Go<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BYDPXxOhQ78/T-tCVXepVeI/AAAAAAAAAFM/XNPK5JqzuRM/s1600/burning_the_past1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="163" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BYDPXxOhQ78/T-tCVXepVeI/AAAAAAAAAFM/XNPK5JqzuRM/s200/burning_the_past1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Although we like to coin
the phrase ‘putting the past behind us’, often we rationalise <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>how we feel when our emotions continue to cause us disturbance and limit our ability to be
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Making peace with the
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">First of all, taking
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Letting go also involves
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">To begin the forgiveness
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Finally, allow yourself the
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meant to be sent, just an exercise to discharge your emotion around it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then review your feelings again and see how
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">As Robert Muller put it: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“To forgive is the most highest beautiful
form of love. In return, you will get untold peace and happiness.”</i></span></div>
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<br /></div>Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-58711885770277401962012-05-28T03:54:00.000-07:002012-05-28T03:54:09.729-07:00Greater Steps Towards Happiness: Step 4: Include Others in your Life<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">“<span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the
candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.</span>”
Buddha</span></i></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0PmT37foJPo/T8NYHkZnNhI/AAAAAAAAAFA/M83oZ9SZ6G0/s1600/photo_38163_20110418.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0PmT37foJPo/T8NYHkZnNhI/AAAAAAAAAFA/M83oZ9SZ6G0/s200/photo_38163_20110418.jpg" width="160" /></a></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">In the age where we often
have a more intimate relationship with our Smartphone than our partner or
family, the importance of including others in your life cannot be
overestimated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is easy to take
another person for granted or become blinkered in our busyness- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“No man is an island”</i> as John Donne
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Ask yourself, in your
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daily basis? It may be as simple as the office cleaner who smiles and talks to
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">In your ideal life you
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</span>Conscious listening takes effort and time- it requires us to switch off
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text1;">Finally, when they have
finished speaking, reflect back to them what they have just said as a summary
using your own words to clarify your understanding. For example: “It sounds
like you feel really excited about changing jobs and that it is giving you a
thirst for a new challenge”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ensure you
include their mood as well as the words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>By listening, you’re including others in your world and then they will
include you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ll be surprised at how
much more you get out of a conversation than you would do and how the other
person will appreciate being listened to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Just notice how much more rewarding your relationships are when you
start employing this skill!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-47598259540950261912012-05-16T03:47:00.001-07:002012-05-16T03:47:31.553-07:00Steps Towards Greater Happiness: Step 3: Let go of Obstacles<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Believe
and act as if it were impossible to fail” Charles F. Kettering</span></i></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1e5dA-7AiS0/T7OFDJaF4nI/AAAAAAAAAE0/ARLD9QePDGA/s1600/obstacles.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1e5dA-7AiS0/T7OFDJaF4nI/AAAAAAAAAE0/ARLD9QePDGA/s200/obstacles.gif" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The first thing I often teach my clients is about the unconscious mind
and what a powerful driving force it is in our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, 90% of what we do is motivated by
the unconscious; if our beliefs aren’t in alignment with what we want then we
often sabotage ourselves.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Many of us are contradictions- part of us wants to be
wealthy, the other part feels guilty or a fraud if we are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Underlying limiting beliefs are often what
hold us back from achieving our full potential.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I once had a client who wanted to start his own business
and move out of the sales role he was in. The fear around money was strong,
especially the worry that his new venture could fail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wanted it to be successful though somehow,
he doubted it would work and part of him wanted to stay in the security of his
current job.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Identifying his limiting beliefs around himself and money
and success, we were able to see what was stopping him from moving forward. We then
worked on challenging the validity of his thoughts and questioning, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“is this really true?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>Letting go or ‘softening’ a belief can
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Secondly, I asked him to focus on the beliefs he had that
were going to move forward and encapsulate what he wanted to be as an
entrepreneur. He then picked one of those beliefs and made it into a positive
self belief statement about himself and repeated it to himself on a daily
basis: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“I am a really successful business
man and I deserve all the money that I earn”. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>What positive statement would work for
you and your life?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Try doing the same and write down any negative beliefs
and thoughts about yourself or the area of your life you want to change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think about the origins of this belief- was
it a maths teacher that told you that ‘I can’t do maths’ or your dad that said
to you ‘I’m no good at sport’?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Challenge
whether they really valid and if they apply to you now?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Sometimes beliefs become a self fulfilling prophecy- we
accept that they are true without making the effort to change or see beyond
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You may have found maths difficult
though perhaps you now do the book keeping for your business or you now enjoy
tennis when you hated sport at school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let
go of the views that are limiting you and start holding a new view of yourself,
free from the past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Start seeing life
through fresh eyes and you might just be surprised at what you see.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-397446329377540612.post-16705308812759428492012-05-05T03:54:00.000-07:002012-05-05T03:54:08.851-07:00Steps Towards Greater Happiness: Step 2: Discover your Ideal Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pyS4LbGhp9s/T6UGLLzI-RI/AAAAAAAAAD8/vIvdofGc82A/s1600/ideal_life.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pyS4LbGhp9s/T6UGLLzI-RI/AAAAAAAAAD8/vIvdofGc82A/s200/ideal_life.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<br />
<b><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></b>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“<span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Success is
the progressive realization of a worthy goal or <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">ideal</span>.</span>” </span></i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Earl Nightingale</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Have your ever imagined what your ideal life might look
like? If I could wave a magic wand or like Aladdin grant you three wishes, what
would they be?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would you really know
what you wanted or like the fairy tale, choose something then regret it later?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I often hear clients use the phrase of ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">when I get x or y I will be happy’; </i>the
dream for many is winning the lottery or marrying a millionaire to solve their
problems, whilst doubting it will ever happen. This can then become the excuse
for not being happy or not taking action to tweak their existing life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh said, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘there are already enough conditions on
happiness’- </i>if we can be happy in the present, it is easier to move forward
towards the life we aspire to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A good place to start with the life you want is to
examine all the things you aren’t happy or content with at the moment. Think of
all the things that really annoy you and that you don’t want to put up with
anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Note to reader: this isn’t an
excuse to blame or attack others who are in your life, just to highlight what
needs to change and it might also be your responses to others!)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, it could be the rubbish in the
study or the way your children speak to you which annoys you. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It may also be that your mindset needs to change and be
more positive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of my clients got fed
up of the way he kept criticising himself for everything he felt he did wrong,
which then was turned on his family when he returned from work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When he began relaxing his ‘inner critic’ a
little and using it to help him be better at things, rather than diminish
himself and others he felt happier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
was able to give himself positive feedback at the end of each day and also be more
encouraging to his wife and kids around their achievements.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When you’ve realised the negative things that need to
change, it is time to begin honing in on the positives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Start noticing all the things you enjoy- what
you would like to keep and build on. A suggestion I gave to this same client
was to go through your whole day and focus on what you really liked and found
positive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It could be something as small
as someone smiling at you in the street or playing your favourite song in the
car. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then taking these instances, you
might start to realise that you really enjoy your job or helping other people
and that you would like to enhance those experiences even more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What else could you do to enhance yours and
others life?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What could you add to your
day to make it just a bit more special or happy?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">An ideal life is made up of a series of joyful moments,
not just one end goal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By eliminating as
far as possible those things that aren’t working for you and making what you
already do more worthwhile, you are increasing your chance of creating your
ideal life.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In the next step, I will talk about how to overcome what
is holding you back from experiencing happiness.</span></div>Alexandra Baconhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14517553812959270250noreply@blogger.com0