Clearing the Clutter

“Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”  Albert Einstein

Spring is the traditional time for cleaning and clearing out the old, allowing space for the new.  It is almost as if the world emerges like a butterfly from its chrysalis, and everything feels renewed and energised again.  This pattern of birth and death in nature is often reflected in our own lives in a continuous cycle.  If we don’t flow with this cycle and let go of the old, it creates clutter or stasis which is when we start feeling energetically stuck or blocked, and dis-ease results. 

Clearing clutter from our lives can be extremely therapeutic, and although sometimes difficult if we have a tendency to hoard, it can be uplifting and energising.  Clutter clearance doesn’t need to apply just to our wardrobes and shelves- it applies equally to how we spend our time, how we think, eat and work.  As writer Dr Lawrence J. Peter once said: “If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?” 

Firstly, identify the source of your clutter. Is it made up of books and paperwork? Outdated old clothes, or new ones you’ve never worn? Anxious or worrisome thoughts? Maybe you’ve cluttered your life with acquaintances and people who really don’t need to be in it anymore; maybe your mind is cluttered with fears and obsessions that you can’t let go of; or your body is cluttered with extra pounds, aches or pains?

Many people who really want to clear up are full of motivation and raring to go- what a relief when it’s free from piles of papers, books and ‘stuff’!  No more will I lose my car keys or have to eat on a tray on the sofa as my table is full of junk. Motivated people see themselves living in an uncluttered environment, surrounded by order and feeling healthy and happy.  Goodbye depression and lethargy; hello joy and tranquil living. 

But is this realistic in practice? Sometimes, yes, if you are good at it and ruthless with your possessions or determined to change your mindset and be focussed enough.  Allowing yourself get bogged down or stuck in old patterns and the fear of letting go is the main hurdle when wanting to create space in your life. Doubts such as: Will I really be able to cope with out this object or person in my life?  What if I regret this decision later on?  Getting out of your comfort zone is the hardest thing to do sometimes though you need to ask yourself, what can I gain from taking a risk?  Often, when we take that leap, we feel a renewed sense of vitality and self esteem.

Claire, a client of mine discovered this when she decided to let go of her relationship with her long term partner of ten years.  Over the years, her self esteem and confidence was gradually eroded away by her boyfriend with his constant jibes and criticisms about everything from her accent to the way she looked.  She came to see me as she felt on the edge of a breakdown and was tormented by self doubt and guilt, with the belief that she must have been a ‘terrible person’ for him to treat her this way.  She wanted to leave this relationship as she knew it was the main root of these feelings, though felt too scared to be on her own.  Gradually, through having counselling and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, she began to discover her inner strength again to the point where she was able to overcome her limiting thinking and transform her fear into courage, taking the action to get out of the relationship and over time, rebuild her self esteem.   

Action Points for starting to de-clutter your life:

• Write down a list of your clutter under the headings of work, home, relationships, emotions, thoughts and your health or body.
•  What purpose does holding on to this “clutter” serve in your life?
• How would you feel if you didn’t have it any more?
• What’s the “upside” of holding onto all your ‘stuff’?
• What would be frightening if you let go of some of it?
• What positive emotion does your clutter represent for you (love, security, comfort, warmth, wealth)?
• What is the “downside” of letting go of some or all of it?
• Prioritise the issues and choose 3 to work on this month.
• Ask yourself, what’s the first steps towards changing these things? Make an action plan now on paper for each of them.  Commit yourself to taking at least one action a day. 
• At the end of each week, review your progress and make another list for the following week, and so on.  This way, you will begin to chip away at the list and make progress gradually with de-cluttering your life.  

Remember with de-cluttering, it is important not to overwhelm yourself-making yourself feeling even more stuck is not the purpose of this exercise!  Some things are simpler than others to let go of though for most of us, we are prone to putting off when we feel as if it will be ‘difficult’ or ‘time consuming’.  The solution to this is to break it down into chunks and just do a little each day or each week and make clearing your life a life-long habit that you integrate into your everyday routine.  My first port of call will be my office desk- happy de-cluttering!

Alexandra Bacon is a certified Advanced EFT Practitioner, Counsellor, Bach Flower Remedy Practitioner, Wellbeing consultant and Trainer. To book your personalised treatment session please call Alexandra on 01629 825968/ 07950 568635. www.lotusheal.co.uk

Crisis into opportunity

“A crisis is an opportunity riding a dangerous wind” Chinese proverb

Having heard the phrase ‘Crisis and opportunity’ most of us wouldn’t feel that is really the case in the climate with live in- what with financial and economic uncertainty, natural disasters happening around the globe- where is the opportunity in that!? It has been said that the Chinese term for crisis is the same as the word for opportunity.  There is also debate as to whether this is really true, though looking at it in our own lives- is there really two sides to the coin?

It really is a matter of perspective and how we view crisis and opportunity as they are always running parallel and one can always lead to the other.  We may win the lottery one day and then lose it the next and vice versa. The only thing in life we can be certain of (as I am fond of saying!) is that ‘change is the only constant in life’ and that nothing stays the same.  

It came into conversation with a client last week about the issue of Crisis having a flip side to it. To help reframe her situation, I asked her: “looking at your life now, do you see there being any opportunities in what happened to you?”   She looked surprised at first (with a ‘hell no’ look on her face), reflected on it and said “yes actually, it has given me the space to stand back from my life and get off this treadmill I have been on for the last 20 years”.  She needed to step off it first though to realise this and being made redundant was the turning point for her. Crisis comes in many forms and guises though- from bereavement to illness to loss of a relationship. So what makes it a crisis or an opportunity?

Basically, as human beings we are either motivated by love or fear.  To treat events as a ‘crisis’ we are working on the premise that we should be working away from what we really don’t want- uncertainty, poverty, death, disease etc.  If we work from the basis of love and trust, we will view life in a very different way- we will be working towards making money, having great relationships and so forth, and ultimately having acceptance of what is happening right now, with the understanding that we can’t always know what is around the corner!

Here are some suggestions for turning an apparent crisis into an opportunity:

1. Get some perspective

Hindsight is a great thing, and in the midst of a crisis, it can feel as if there will never be an end to it. It’s always worth getting a new perspective on it as apparent crises can often give you the wakeup call you need to create major change and get you out of your comfort zone.

Reflecting on your own life, list every ‘crisis’ that you’ve had say over the last 5-10 years and ask yourself- “what learning or ‘opportunity’ came out of that?” If it is easier, pretend you are viewing it as someone else’s life and see what they might say about it and the events following the ‘crisis’. Did it make you get out of that relationship that wasn’t working or start a new career perhaps?

Do the same with the ‘opportunities’ and see how they compare- which gave you more learning’s? How can you apply this understanding to what is going on in your life now?

2. Take advantage of uncertainty

Going back to the two drivers for human behaviour- fear or love, think about what you can do differently to exploit the current climate of pessimism in both your personal and professional life. 
For example, is this the time to start growing your own veg on an allotment to save money or even create your own co operative?  How about looking at investing in the stock market and taking some calculated risks?  Remember, staying in crisis is about staying in your comfort zone and what is familiar; whereas opportunity is about having the courage to stretch yourself and your possibilities!

3. Create your own opportunities

In a current crisis situation, it is easy to get stuck and become bogged down with what is going wrong.  As a reframe, realise (from exercise 1) what positives have come out of past situations and then ask yourself some different questions. Ask: “what is one thing I can do in this moment/ hour/ day/ week to change this situation and move me forward?” Questions are powerful and can help or hinder you and asking the right ones can empower you to make the right choices, rather than stay stuck where you are.

Once you’ve done that, make a brainstorm of everything you can do after you’ve dealt with the crisis. For example, for my client with the redundancy, I asked her to brainstorm a list of every kind of thing she wanted to try- both personal and professional to aim to broaden her perspective on things. 

 Sometimes, we can become very narrow and rigid in our thinking and we need to look at our situation with new eyes.  For her, this in itself was a revelation as she ended up retraining as an Interior designer and setting up her own consultancy.  A lesson for us all to take that leap of faith!  As Susan Taylor said: “Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth”

Alexandra Bacon is a certified Advanced EFT Practitioner, Counsellor, Bach Flower Practitioner, Wellbeing consultant and Trainer. To book your personalised treatment session please call Alexandra on 01629 825968/ 07950 568635. www.lotusheal.co.uk

Have you got the Time please?

Most people would agree that the single most precious commodity is time- apart from money that is, though as John Rohn says: “Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.” 

Whilst we have all the latest gadgets and mod cons that we would want to try and make our lives easier, time seems to be even more limited. We all try and cram more into our hours, minutes and seconds, despite the fact that the average life expectancy is longer than it has ever been. We end up feeling like the white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland, feeling as if we are chasing time rather than believing we have the choice how we spend it. How many people say “I haven’t got the time” whilst they are busy trying to get to the next place or achieve the next thing?

Time rich or time poor?

True time wealth isn’t all about how much time you’ve got- it’s about having the right kind of time. If we did actually log our time and looked at how much we were spending on pursuing our careers, looking after our family, seeing our friends, spending time on ourselves, we would get a more accurate picture of where we needed to be spending more time.  I use the analogy with some of my clients of each of us having an energy or time bank account and needing to make sure we invest into all the life areas.  Sometimes we are so focused on keeping all the balls in the air, we miss the bigger picture!

A good example of this was a client of mine, Sam who came to see me as she was suffering from stress and anxiety and on the verge of burning out.  Using a balance wheel, we were able to establish the amount of time she was spending (and enjoying) in each area of her life.  It was made clear to her that her personal life had suffered a great deal from her new promotion at work and that she rarely spent any time with her friends or on herself.  She also admitted feeling quite guilty at the thought of spending time just on herself and that any spare time ‘should ‘ be  spent on others;  she was a mother and wife and it was her ‘duty’.  Sound familiar?

Stop ‘Shoulding’ over yourself

A lot of us get caught up in the ‘should’ trap; feeling ‘I should be doing this’ and ‘I should be doing that’, rather than asking ourselves ‘what do I really want to do?’.  Okay, we may need to go to work and take the kids to school etc. though what would I like to do with the time that’s left? 

Just for starters, just take a few moments  to make a pie chart or balance wheel of your life and the different areas, including time for yourself and fun. Divide the chart depending on how much time you spend in each area then rate it out of 10 how much you feel happy and content  (10 being really satisfied, 0 being zero contentment).  Then just choose two areas you need to improve on based on the time and contentment factors. For example, Sam chose to focus on investing more in her friendships and hobbies.

Following this, make a list of things that come to mind relating to each of these areas; whether it’s going to the gym regularly, going to see a friend or having a hot bath- write it down.  Then look at the list again and commit yourself to doing one of those things today and then do the same tomorrow and the next day. Just experiment with how that feels- be aware of the ‘shoulds’ and guilt creeping in and then challenge those thoughts: ‘Why shouldn’t I do that and make myself happy?’. Keep affirming to yourself as you do it that you deserve to do this for yourself to increase your sense of wellbeing.

Also see it as investing more into your energy and time account for you before you go into serious overdraft like Sam.  Time is precious so make a choice how you spend it- just remember to make the right investments!

Alexandra Bacon is a certified Advanced EFT Practitioner, Counsellor, Bach Flower Remedy Practitioner, Wellbeing consultant and Trainer. To book your personalised treatment session please call Alexandra on 01629 825968/ 07950 568635. www.lotusheal.co.uk

Goal Setting

 “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” Albert Einstein

Goal setting is a powerful process for thinking about your ideal future, and for motivating yourself to turn this vision of the future into reality.

The process of setting goals helps you choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you want to achieve, you know where you have to concentrate your efforts. You'll also quickly spot the distractions that would otherwise lure you from your course.

More than this, properly-set goals can be incredibly motivating, and as you get into the habit of setting and achieving goals, you'll find that your self-confidence builds fast.

Goal setting techniques are used by top-level athletes, successful business-people and achievers in all fields. They give you long-term vision and short-term motivation. They focus your acquisition of knowledge and help you to organize your time and your resources so that you can make the very most of your life.

By setting sharp, clearly defined goals, you can measure and take pride in the achievement of those goals. You can see forward progress in what might previously have seemed a long pointless grind. By setting goals, you will also raise your self-confidence, as you recognize your ability and competence in achieving the goals that you have set.

Goal Setting Tips

The following broad guidelines will help you to set effective goals:

• State each goal as a positive statement: Express your goals positively – 'Execute this technique well' is a much better goal than 'Don't make this stupid mistake.'

• Be precise: Set a precise goal, putting in dates, times and amounts so that you can measure achievement. If you do this, you will know exactly when you have achieved the goal, and can take complete satisfaction from having achieved it.

• Set priorities: When you have several goals, give each a priority. This helps you to avoid feeling overwhelmed by too many goals, and helps to direct your attention to the most important ones.

• Write goals down: This crystallizes them and gives them more force. Make sure you put them somewhere you can see them, such as behind the bedroom door and read them everyday.

• Keep operational goals small: Keep the low-level goals you are working towards small and achievable. If a goal is too large, then it can seem that you are not making progress towards it. Keeping goals small and incremental gives more opportunities for reward. Derive today's goals from larger ones.

• Make it challenging though within your control: You should take care to set goals over which you have as much control as possible. There is nothing more dispiriting than failing to achieve a personal goal for reasons beyond your control. If the goal stretches you and gets you out of your comfort zone then it will be worth achieving.

• Set realistic goals: It is important to set goals that you can achieve and that you really want. All sorts of people (employers, parents, media, society) can set unrealistic goals for you. They will often do this in ignorance of your own desires and ambitions. Alternatively you may set goals that are too high, because you may not appreciate either the obstacles in the way or understand quite how much skill you need to develop to achieve a particular level of performance. 

Achieving Goals

When you have achieved a goal, take the time to enjoy the satisfaction of having done so. Absorb the implications of the goal achievement, and observe the progress you have made towards other goals. If the goal was a significant one, reward yourself appropriately. All of this helps you build the self-confidence you deserve!

With the experience of having achieved this goal, review the rest of your goal plans:

• If you achieved the goal too easily, make your next goals harder.
• If the goal took too long to achieve, make the next goals a little easier.
• If you learned something that would lead you to change other goals, do so.
• If you noticed a deficit in your skills despite achieving the goal, decide whether to set goals to fix this.
• If you feel that you are struggling to overcome your blocks to achieving your goals, it may be worth consulting a Counsellor or Coach.  They can help you to get some perspective on what is preventing you from moving forward in life and help you to facilitate positive change. 

 

Alexandra Bacon is a certified Advanced EFT Practitioner, Counsellor, Bach Flower Remedy Practitioner, Wellbeing consultant and Trainer. To book your personalised treatment session please call Alexandra on 01629 825968/ 07950 568635. www.lotusheal.co.uk