“Success is
the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal.” Earl Nightingale
Have your ever imagined what your ideal life might look
like? If I could wave a magic wand or like Aladdin grant you three wishes, what
would they be? Would you really know
what you wanted or like the fairy tale, choose something then regret it later?
I often hear clients use the phrase of ‘when I get x or y I will be happy’; the
dream for many is winning the lottery or marrying a millionaire to solve their
problems, whilst doubting it will ever happen. This can then become the excuse
for not being happy or not taking action to tweak their existing life. As Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh said, ‘there are already enough conditions on
happiness’- if we can be happy in the present, it is easier to move forward
towards the life we aspire to.
A good place to start with the life you want is to
examine all the things you aren’t happy or content with at the moment. Think of
all the things that really annoy you and that you don’t want to put up with
anymore. (Note to reader: this isn’t an
excuse to blame or attack others who are in your life, just to highlight what
needs to change and it might also be your responses to others!) For example, it could be the rubbish in the
study or the way your children speak to you which annoys you.
It may also be that your mindset needs to change and be
more positive. One of my clients got fed
up of the way he kept criticising himself for everything he felt he did wrong,
which then was turned on his family when he returned from work. When he began relaxing his ‘inner critic’ a
little and using it to help him be better at things, rather than diminish
himself and others he felt happier. He
was able to give himself positive feedback at the end of each day and also be more
encouraging to his wife and kids around their achievements.
When you’ve realised the negative things that need to
change, it is time to begin honing in on the positives. Start noticing all the things you enjoy- what
you would like to keep and build on. A suggestion I gave to this same client
was to go through your whole day and focus on what you really liked and found
positive. It could be something as small
as someone smiling at you in the street or playing your favourite song in the
car. Then taking these instances, you
might start to realise that you really enjoy your job or helping other people
and that you would like to enhance those experiences even more. What else could you do to enhance yours and
others life? What could you add to your
day to make it just a bit more special or happy?
An ideal life is made up of a series of joyful moments,
not just one end goal. By eliminating as
far as possible those things that aren’t working for you and making what you
already do more worthwhile, you are increasing your chance of creating your
ideal life.
In the next step, I will talk about how to overcome what
is holding you back from experiencing happiness.
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