Crisis into opportunity

“A crisis is an opportunity riding a dangerous wind” Chinese proverb

Having heard the phrase ‘Crisis and opportunity’ most of us wouldn’t feel that is really the case in the climate with live in- what with financial and economic uncertainty, natural disasters happening around the globe- where is the opportunity in that!? It has been said that the Chinese term for crisis is the same as the word for opportunity.  There is also debate as to whether this is really true, though looking at it in our own lives- is there really two sides to the coin?

It really is a matter of perspective and how we view crisis and opportunity as they are always running parallel and one can always lead to the other.  We may win the lottery one day and then lose it the next and vice versa. The only thing in life we can be certain of (as I am fond of saying!) is that ‘change is the only constant in life’ and that nothing stays the same.  

It came into conversation with a client last week about the issue of Crisis having a flip side to it. To help reframe her situation, I asked her: “looking at your life now, do you see there being any opportunities in what happened to you?”   She looked surprised at first (with a ‘hell no’ look on her face), reflected on it and said “yes actually, it has given me the space to stand back from my life and get off this treadmill I have been on for the last 20 years”.  She needed to step off it first though to realise this and being made redundant was the turning point for her. Crisis comes in many forms and guises though- from bereavement to illness to loss of a relationship. So what makes it a crisis or an opportunity?

Basically, as human beings we are either motivated by love or fear.  To treat events as a ‘crisis’ we are working on the premise that we should be working away from what we really don’t want- uncertainty, poverty, death, disease etc.  If we work from the basis of love and trust, we will view life in a very different way- we will be working towards making money, having great relationships and so forth, and ultimately having acceptance of what is happening right now, with the understanding that we can’t always know what is around the corner!

Here are some suggestions for turning an apparent crisis into an opportunity:

1. Get some perspective

Hindsight is a great thing, and in the midst of a crisis, it can feel as if there will never be an end to it. It’s always worth getting a new perspective on it as apparent crises can often give you the wakeup call you need to create major change and get you out of your comfort zone.

Reflecting on your own life, list every ‘crisis’ that you’ve had say over the last 5-10 years and ask yourself- “what learning or ‘opportunity’ came out of that?” If it is easier, pretend you are viewing it as someone else’s life and see what they might say about it and the events following the ‘crisis’. Did it make you get out of that relationship that wasn’t working or start a new career perhaps?

Do the same with the ‘opportunities’ and see how they compare- which gave you more learning’s? How can you apply this understanding to what is going on in your life now?

2. Take advantage of uncertainty

Going back to the two drivers for human behaviour- fear or love, think about what you can do differently to exploit the current climate of pessimism in both your personal and professional life. 
For example, is this the time to start growing your own veg on an allotment to save money or even create your own co operative?  How about looking at investing in the stock market and taking some calculated risks?  Remember, staying in crisis is about staying in your comfort zone and what is familiar; whereas opportunity is about having the courage to stretch yourself and your possibilities!

3. Create your own opportunities

In a current crisis situation, it is easy to get stuck and become bogged down with what is going wrong.  As a reframe, realise (from exercise 1) what positives have come out of past situations and then ask yourself some different questions. Ask: “what is one thing I can do in this moment/ hour/ day/ week to change this situation and move me forward?” Questions are powerful and can help or hinder you and asking the right ones can empower you to make the right choices, rather than stay stuck where you are.

Once you’ve done that, make a brainstorm of everything you can do after you’ve dealt with the crisis. For example, for my client with the redundancy, I asked her to brainstorm a list of every kind of thing she wanted to try- both personal and professional to aim to broaden her perspective on things. 

 Sometimes, we can become very narrow and rigid in our thinking and we need to look at our situation with new eyes.  For her, this in itself was a revelation as she ended up retraining as an Interior designer and setting up her own consultancy.  A lesson for us all to take that leap of faith!  As Susan Taylor said: “Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth”

Alexandra Bacon is a certified Advanced EFT Practitioner, Counsellor, Bach Flower Practitioner, Wellbeing consultant and Trainer. To book your personalised treatment session please call Alexandra on 01629 825968/ 07950 568635. www.lotusheal.co.uk

Have you got the Time please?

Most people would agree that the single most precious commodity is time- apart from money that is, though as John Rohn says: “Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.” 

Whilst we have all the latest gadgets and mod cons that we would want to try and make our lives easier, time seems to be even more limited. We all try and cram more into our hours, minutes and seconds, despite the fact that the average life expectancy is longer than it has ever been. We end up feeling like the white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland, feeling as if we are chasing time rather than believing we have the choice how we spend it. How many people say “I haven’t got the time” whilst they are busy trying to get to the next place or achieve the next thing?

Time rich or time poor?

True time wealth isn’t all about how much time you’ve got- it’s about having the right kind of time. If we did actually log our time and looked at how much we were spending on pursuing our careers, looking after our family, seeing our friends, spending time on ourselves, we would get a more accurate picture of where we needed to be spending more time.  I use the analogy with some of my clients of each of us having an energy or time bank account and needing to make sure we invest into all the life areas.  Sometimes we are so focused on keeping all the balls in the air, we miss the bigger picture!

A good example of this was a client of mine, Sam who came to see me as she was suffering from stress and anxiety and on the verge of burning out.  Using a balance wheel, we were able to establish the amount of time she was spending (and enjoying) in each area of her life.  It was made clear to her that her personal life had suffered a great deal from her new promotion at work and that she rarely spent any time with her friends or on herself.  She also admitted feeling quite guilty at the thought of spending time just on herself and that any spare time ‘should ‘ be  spent on others;  she was a mother and wife and it was her ‘duty’.  Sound familiar?

Stop ‘Shoulding’ over yourself

A lot of us get caught up in the ‘should’ trap; feeling ‘I should be doing this’ and ‘I should be doing that’, rather than asking ourselves ‘what do I really want to do?’.  Okay, we may need to go to work and take the kids to school etc. though what would I like to do with the time that’s left? 

Just for starters, just take a few moments  to make a pie chart or balance wheel of your life and the different areas, including time for yourself and fun. Divide the chart depending on how much time you spend in each area then rate it out of 10 how much you feel happy and content  (10 being really satisfied, 0 being zero contentment).  Then just choose two areas you need to improve on based on the time and contentment factors. For example, Sam chose to focus on investing more in her friendships and hobbies.

Following this, make a list of things that come to mind relating to each of these areas; whether it’s going to the gym regularly, going to see a friend or having a hot bath- write it down.  Then look at the list again and commit yourself to doing one of those things today and then do the same tomorrow and the next day. Just experiment with how that feels- be aware of the ‘shoulds’ and guilt creeping in and then challenge those thoughts: ‘Why shouldn’t I do that and make myself happy?’. Keep affirming to yourself as you do it that you deserve to do this for yourself to increase your sense of wellbeing.

Also see it as investing more into your energy and time account for you before you go into serious overdraft like Sam.  Time is precious so make a choice how you spend it- just remember to make the right investments!

Alexandra Bacon is a certified Advanced EFT Practitioner, Counsellor, Bach Flower Remedy Practitioner, Wellbeing consultant and Trainer. To book your personalised treatment session please call Alexandra on 01629 825968/ 07950 568635. www.lotusheal.co.uk

Goal Setting

 “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” Albert Einstein

Goal setting is a powerful process for thinking about your ideal future, and for motivating yourself to turn this vision of the future into reality.

The process of setting goals helps you choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you want to achieve, you know where you have to concentrate your efforts. You'll also quickly spot the distractions that would otherwise lure you from your course.

More than this, properly-set goals can be incredibly motivating, and as you get into the habit of setting and achieving goals, you'll find that your self-confidence builds fast.

Goal setting techniques are used by top-level athletes, successful business-people and achievers in all fields. They give you long-term vision and short-term motivation. They focus your acquisition of knowledge and help you to organize your time and your resources so that you can make the very most of your life.

By setting sharp, clearly defined goals, you can measure and take pride in the achievement of those goals. You can see forward progress in what might previously have seemed a long pointless grind. By setting goals, you will also raise your self-confidence, as you recognize your ability and competence in achieving the goals that you have set.

Goal Setting Tips

The following broad guidelines will help you to set effective goals:

• State each goal as a positive statement: Express your goals positively – 'Execute this technique well' is a much better goal than 'Don't make this stupid mistake.'

• Be precise: Set a precise goal, putting in dates, times and amounts so that you can measure achievement. If you do this, you will know exactly when you have achieved the goal, and can take complete satisfaction from having achieved it.

• Set priorities: When you have several goals, give each a priority. This helps you to avoid feeling overwhelmed by too many goals, and helps to direct your attention to the most important ones.

• Write goals down: This crystallizes them and gives them more force. Make sure you put them somewhere you can see them, such as behind the bedroom door and read them everyday.

• Keep operational goals small: Keep the low-level goals you are working towards small and achievable. If a goal is too large, then it can seem that you are not making progress towards it. Keeping goals small and incremental gives more opportunities for reward. Derive today's goals from larger ones.

• Make it challenging though within your control: You should take care to set goals over which you have as much control as possible. There is nothing more dispiriting than failing to achieve a personal goal for reasons beyond your control. If the goal stretches you and gets you out of your comfort zone then it will be worth achieving.

• Set realistic goals: It is important to set goals that you can achieve and that you really want. All sorts of people (employers, parents, media, society) can set unrealistic goals for you. They will often do this in ignorance of your own desires and ambitions. Alternatively you may set goals that are too high, because you may not appreciate either the obstacles in the way or understand quite how much skill you need to develop to achieve a particular level of performance. 

Achieving Goals

When you have achieved a goal, take the time to enjoy the satisfaction of having done so. Absorb the implications of the goal achievement, and observe the progress you have made towards other goals. If the goal was a significant one, reward yourself appropriately. All of this helps you build the self-confidence you deserve!

With the experience of having achieved this goal, review the rest of your goal plans:

• If you achieved the goal too easily, make your next goals harder.
• If the goal took too long to achieve, make the next goals a little easier.
• If you learned something that would lead you to change other goals, do so.
• If you noticed a deficit in your skills despite achieving the goal, decide whether to set goals to fix this.
• If you feel that you are struggling to overcome your blocks to achieving your goals, it may be worth consulting a Counsellor or Coach.  They can help you to get some perspective on what is preventing you from moving forward in life and help you to facilitate positive change. 

 

Alexandra Bacon is a certified Advanced EFT Practitioner, Counsellor, Bach Flower Remedy Practitioner, Wellbeing consultant and Trainer. To book your personalised treatment session please call Alexandra on 01629 825968/ 07950 568635. www.lotusheal.co.uk

 

Keep Your Cool this Yule

Christmas is the most stressful time of year for most people and is the cause of many arguments for a lot of families.  According to the statistics, more than half of Brits have disagreements at Christmas; a quarter saying it creates added strain on their relationship and an eighth of those saying a festive argument made them want to split up. 

Tempers are more likely to get flared at Christmas as a result of too much alcohol, spending too much time with relatives than normal and disagreements over the who gets the TV remote and washing up!  With many families being fragmented or extended, it also can create extra strain on relationships at Christmas when there are expectations to make it a happy time of year for all concerned.

To Prepare for Christmas

• It is important therefore to make sure that you let go of the idea that Christmas has to be ‘perfect’ and avoid taking responsibility for everything.  Remember, it is only one day in the year and seeing the bigger picture will help you to enjoy the day as much as possible. 

• Think about the person(s) who tend to make you feel angry and remember that whatever they do or say will be over in a few days and getting angry or stressed maybe isn’t worth the long term effects.  Make a list of their good points and try to focus on those instead when you start feeling heated. 

•  Look at what needs to be done in advance such as shopping, cooking and entertaining and work out what can be delegated and what can be done in advance.  Don’t take responsibility for everything otherwise you’ll only feel resentful; even the children can help by putting decorations up or wrapping presents and will enjoy getting involved.  Aim to have a plan two or 3 weeks before so you make provisions for emergencies, agreeing beforehand who does what on the day.

• Also agree in advance with relatives some ground rules and arrangements so things run as smoothly as possible.  If there’s something that annoys you every year like Aunty May feeding her dog at the dinner table then make sure you set boundaries beforehand in a gentle way so that you feel more in control of what happens.  If there is something that annoys you that they refuse to stop doing then also prepare yourself for how to deal with that on the day and ask yourself ‘Is this worth me getting angry for?’

On the day

• Avoid drinking too much alcohol as this lowers your inhibitions and can alter your mood.  Drinking water or soft drinks in between can help to slow down the effects, as can eating slow burning carbohydrates like wholemeal bread.  Set yourself a limit on how much you are going to drink on the day so you don’t regret drinking too much later on.

• If you feel yourself getting angry, take yourself out of the situation and cool down for a while. If you can go out of the room or fgo or a walk, it will give you time to calm down and gain perspective on the situation and feel more in control.  Using deep breathing exercises can also help to lower the stress response and enable you to remain calm. Try breathing in slowly for a count of four then out for a count of four for 5-15 minutes.

• Listen to what the other person is saying, even if you don’t agree with it.  Be aware of your tone of voice and body language as we often forget about how we come across to the other person when we feel angry.  Rather than shouting, discuss how you feel and rather than blaming and telling the person: “you make me x”, use words like “I feel”,  “I think”  to help you to put your point across.  

• Think about the consequences of starting an argument; remember it is inevitable you have your mother in law saying something you don’t like or something will go wrong so learn to accept those things and let them go. Focus on the positives instead like your children’s smiling faces or all the lovely food and learn to let the little things go. As Ralph Waldo Emerson says, "For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness".

If anger or relationship issues are more of a long term issue, it can be worth seeking professional help. Consulting a counsellor or therapist can help you to gain perspective on a situation and see it more objectively so you can overcome your obstacles and seek a new way forward.  

Alexandra Bacon is a certified Advanced EFT Practitioner, Counsellor, Bach Flower Remedy Practitioner, Wellbeing consultant and Trainer. To book your personalised treatment session please call Alexandra on 01629 825968/ 07950 568635. www.lotusheal.co.uk