As Sheryl
Sandberg says: ‘..there’s no such thing as work life balance. There’s work and
there’s life and there’s no balance.’ ‘Work-life Balance’ can feel like an elusive
ideal we should be aspiring for and yet feel we never quite achieve. What with trying to ‘balance’ meetings at
work, school runs, housework and then fit in some downtime and exercise (if
you’re lucky), it can feel like a constant juggling act as a parent.
As a working parent
myself to a 3-month old, I know how difficult it is trying to balance
everything including a career, whilst trying to remain fully functioning and
happy. With increasing pressures on
parents to maintain a good career to provide a nice lifestyle for their family
and deal with the financial pressures this brings, it is no wonder Stress,
Depression and Anxiety disorders are on the rise. Essentially, parents are
often trying to cope with two full time jobs- the one that pays the bills and
looking after the kids.
That aside, there are some things that parents often
forget in the midst of the juggling act that make life that bit easier:
1.
Create a support Network outside the
family
Being a working parent can be isolating
and it’s important to gain external support.
Even if your social life has dwindled, ensure that you make time to
speak to friends, on the phone or face to face (Facebook as a last resort!). I
ensure I see at least one friend a week for a coffee or lunch to keep in touch.
If you want to combine it with doing some exercise all the better! Online
support can also be of benefit as well, especially to connect with other
parents who may be going through similar issues. Try http://www.familylives.org.uk/ or http://www.netmums.com/ to find parenting
forums or support groups.
2.
Create clear, flexible priorities
When you’ve got a demanding career and an
active family life, you can often feel torn between your priorities and
overwhelmed at trying to achieve too much at once. Having a more flexible
approach can enable you to gain more sense of control over your life balance
and move away from this constant state of stress. One strategy for doing this is to list at the
end or beginning of each week what your priorities are and look at what you can
defer, delegate or delete from that
list. Then set 2-3 clear goals for the week and put the other small goals that take a
few minutes like phone calls in a ‘batch list’ and blitz these when you have some time though prioritise
achieving the main goals first.
3.
Accept your limitations and what is ‘good
enough’
Get out of the mindset of trying to be the
perfect parent and start feeling ‘good enough’.
Deciding to keep a career going whilst being a parent inevitably means
sacrifices have to be made on time spent with children. This doesn’t mean you
have to then compensate with giving things, which is what parents often do to
dispel their guilt. Just accept the
decisions you have made and then focus on making the time you do spend with
your kids’ count- quality time matters more than anything. Also accept your limitations and challenge
your ‘ill be happy when…’ mentality as that only leads to severe
dissatisfaction. Now is where you are.
4.
Find ways of being more present
Leading on from that, start exploring ways
of being more in the moment. I am sure
you’ve already heard of ‘mindfulness’ if you haven’t dabbled in the practice
already. Having a ‘beginners mind’ is a
Zen Buddhist practice, which essentially means being open and seeing things afresh
like a curious child. I rather like this
idea as it involves getting out of your existing rut and habitual patterns and
jumping into a new frame of wonderment and excitement. Ask yourself, if I had a
beginners mind, how would I see my situation differently and what would I be
telling myself? Try a mindfulness
practice for yourself and download the headspace app: https://www.headspace.com/ Having
children also gives you an ample excuse to let the inner child out to play every
now and then!
5.
Book appointments with yourself.
This might sound a bit desperate needing
to set meetings with yourself though I’ve done this for myself as well as with
clients and it really does work. Think
about it, would you ignore an important meeting in your diary? Not likely
though often parents neglect their own needs and can end up feeling trapped in
their responsibilities. I teach all my
clients about ‘enlightened self interest’,
which is about prioritising your own wellbeing with the view that if you’re
healthy and happy, you’ll be able to deliver your best to others. Being
flexible in your priorities also means you can sometimes make space for
yourself without feeling guilty and still be a good parent. So book that spa day now!
