Keep Calm and Carry On with Bach

Trying to pursue a busy work schedule whilst maintain a family and social life can leave you feeling overwhelmed and caught a vicious cycle of stress and worry.  With technology moving ever faster, we are struggling to adapt and instead of our lives being made easier, we are more under pressure to keep up.  Worry isn’t always a bad thing according to research though- in fact, a healthy amount is protective health wise and can help us to succeed in life, whereas excessive amounts can be potentially hazardous.*

Bach Practitioner, Alexandra Bacon comments; “If you find keeping up with your busy life and friends is taking its toll on your emotional wellbeing then make sure you take time out to relax and re-charge. The Bach Original Flower Remedies can help you to maintain feeling well balanced and positive, even in today’s hectic, busy world. There are different remedies to suit your changing moods, which you can adapt for different periods of your life. ”

If you are feeling exhausted as a result of having to keep going and feel unable to stop then Bach^TM Original Flower Remedy Oak may help. This remedy helps restore physical and mental reserves and promotes self care so you can back on track with your life with more vitality. For those of us who find ourselves feeling that sense of overwhelm and despondency as a result of overwork then Bach^TM Original Flower Remedy Elm may also be beneficial.

Creating calm is also about changing your mindset.  Most of us are too busy thinking about our ‘to do’ list, without even being aware of what’s happening in the ‘here and now’.  Bach^TM Original Flower Remedy White Chestnut is excellent for helping to calm the mind when you feel unable to switch off that mental chatter so you can focus more easily.  Trying a relaxation technique like Meditation which is proven to reduce stress and physical pain may also help.ₐ A simple starting point would be to focus on your breath; as you take in deep breaths, counting in for four and out for seven and doing that for ten minutes at a time when you need to let go of stress. 

Bach Original Flower Remedies cost from £6.65 and are available from Holland & Barrett, Boots and most independent pharmacy and health food stores. For more information, visit www.bachremedies.co.uk. Always read the label.

Alexandra Bacon is an award winning Stress Management and Wellbeing Consultant based in the East Midlands.  She is also a Bach Centre registered Bach Practitioner (BFRP), CBT Therapist and NLP Coach. Her website is www.lotusheal.co.uk and she can be contacted on: 07950 568635.

*http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/does-stress-help-us-succeed-2278364.html

ₐ http://www.technologyreview.com/article/38290/

Building Emotional Resilience

“In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, to struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life”

Albert Bandura

Emotional resilience seems to be a buzzword nowadays- whether in education, work or our personal life, we are told we need to be more resilient, to ‘bounce back’, to be more successful in life.  We all require some resilience in order to sustain ourselves through life’s challenges and survive.  

What makes us more resilient is something I’d like to begin to explore; are some people just more resilient than others? There are two characteristics that resilient people tend to display, whether in reaction to stress or trauma. These are:

1. Emotional Control:  The ability to stay calm is one of the key factors in dealing with an emergency or a crisis situation.  Managing our emotions also enables us to build healthy relationships and feel a sense of empowerment in being able to regulate our experiences.  Expressing what you feel without acting out is also important.  A client of mine, Francine discovered this when she was dealing with being bullied at work.  Rather than going into ‘victim’ mode and not saying anything or attacking back, she confronted her line manager about it as soon as it became an issue and it got resolved by being assertive. 
2. Openness to new Experiences: The second trait displayed by resilient people is openness to new experiences and managing change.  Although staying in our comfort zone may seem safe, it is through doing something new or in a different way that we expand our comfort zone and strengthen our resilience.   We also develop our character and become more interesting and self aware individuals.  For a start, try meeting new people, experiment with a new activity or improve on an existing skill.

It is easy allow ourselves to feel vulnerable in the midst of chaos and uncertainty; it can feel as if we are trapped in a long dark tunnel, without an end in sight. Life disruptions are not necessarily a bad thing though as they enable us grow and meet future challenges in our lives. It’s a lot like a muscle that was weak and is now getting stronger from being used.   As Bandura says, it also helps us to learn self efficacy or self reliance in the face of subsequent uncertainty and difficulties, rather than going into old patterns of dependency or learned helplessness.  

Charlie, who came to see me following a period of depression and work absence described his recovery as feeling like I was pulling myself out of the hole, rather than wallowing in it, and then learning to go around it rather than falling straight back in.  Although we may need the support of family or friends or a therapist to cope better with a crisis, we need to be able to do it for ourselves. Emotional resilience is also about being self aware and learning to reset our internal compass to adapt to change and act on our own inner resources.  

Seven Steps to Bouncing Back:

1.    Keep things in Perspective. As in ‘this is just hassle with my car insurance, inconvenience with being late. It isn’t a matter of life and death’. 

2.    Focus on the Positive ‘Three months from now I’ll be laughing about this meeting and it won’t matter!’

3.    View life’s challenges as an opportunity to build resilience. Learn to handle obstacles such as rudeness, being delayed, being kept waiting and feeling let down.

4.    Manage your emotions. Throwing a tantrum is not a solution.  Problems are challenges, not impossibilities. 

5.    Ask yourself, ‘what is the first step towards a solution?’  Then do it!  Repeat as necessary and don’t allow change to overwhelm you. 

6.    Imagine telling the story of your mishap to your friends.  The narrative demonstrates your resourcefulness, your sense of humour and your calmness under pressure. 

7.    Take time to reflect and learn from difficulties.  Ask ‘knowing what I know now, what would I do differently?’

When unexpected events turn life upside down, it’s the degree to which our resiliency comes into play that makes these “make-or-break” situations an opportunity for growth. It is all a matter of perception.  Although resiliency is something that is learned through experience, each of us has the capacity to reorganize our life after a disruption and to achieve new levels of strength and meaningfulness.

Check out my website: www.lotusheal.co.uk for more details.

CBT & NLP Compared & Contrasted

You may have heard something about CBT and NLP but what do they involve and how can they help you? Read on for my overview to these therapeutic models and how they compare.

What is NLP?

Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP can be defined as the art and science of excellence (consistently repeating results, unconsciously and automatically), and the study of how language and perception of external events affect our behaviour. It is based on something called modelling; the process of duplicating ‘excellent’ behaviour to create the same result, e.g. learning to drive requires you to go through certain processes in your mind and body, such as ‘mirror, signal, manoeuvre’ until it becomes automatic and habitual.

NLP was created in the 1970’s two men, Bandler and Grinder, one a linguist and the other a computer programmer. Some of the original models of communication they developed were influenced by therapists including Fritz Perls (founder of Gestalt therapy) and Virginia Satir, a family therapist. 

NLP claims to provide simple, powerful methods for changing behaviour and producing results through the use of various techniques. It is used in business, education, training as well as therapeutic applications.  It teaches you new patterns of excellence through modelling those who are successful in different aspects of life, such as health, career or personal well being.  For example, if you wanted to learn how to run a great business, you might choose someone such as Richard Branson as your model to work from. 

What is CBT?

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy also says that the person’s view of themselves and their world are central to their behaviour. The core idea is that individuals are emotionally disturbed by their thoughts about an actual event, rather than the event itself.  It is used to treat a variety of conditions, ranging from anxiety and depression through to eating disorders and substance abuse.  It uses thought records to challenge a person’s thoughts and behaviours, as well as exposure work in the case of phobias/fears.

CBT was developed in the 1950’s first by Ivan Pavlov, through his working with dogs and then by Albert Ellis who was one of the main pioneers through REBT. Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, a branch of CBT, shows the link between events, beliefs and feelings through the ABC model:

Example:

A – Actual Event                    Fail at maths test

B – Belief                               I’m stupid/ I’m no good at maths

C – Consequences                 Feel depressed, a failure

Alternative view:

A – Actual Event                    Fail at maths test

B – Belief                               If I work at it, I’ll do better next time

C – Consequences                 Feel motivated to achieve a goal

Aaron Beck was the next person to develop and popularise CBT in the 1960’s.  CBT focuses on problems in thinking patterns and Beck recognised that ‘automatic thoughts’ about something links with how we feel about it. If you changed how you think about it, you can change your mood and/or behaviour. 

Example:

Event: A friend is due to come round to dinner and arrive at 7pm. It is now 8pm and they haven’t called. How do you feel?

Automatic Thought                           Feeling                                    Behaviour

She is so selfish, she didn’t                 Angry             Have a go when she arrives

bother to phone!

It doesn’t matter, I can do

Something else while I wait                Indifferent         Nothing much

She might have had                            Anxious          Ring hospitals

a car crash.

We may all react differently based on beliefs, thought patterns and past experiences, and we all have our own unique model of the world from which we work from.

What can we learn from these theories?

Have you heard the saying:

‘Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t- either way you’re right’ Henry Ford             

We all have our own belief systems, many formed in childhood, which help us to make sense of the world so we can function within it and create structure in our lives. Beliefs such as ‘don’t put your hand in fire, or you’ll get burned’ are useful to us, and enable us to survive.  Others aren’t so positive or useful and can drive us to behave or react in negative ways.  Examples may include: ‘the world is a dangerous place’, or ‘I’m a failure’.  We can hold beliefs about anything and anyone and they suggest that something is fixed and unchanging, without exception.

From NLP developed something called the ‘Meta Model’, which identifies ‘all or nothing’ or distorted, generalised thinking patterns and questions them in a similar way to CBT.  It asks ‘Are things always like this, or just some of the time?’ and aims to reframe thoughts in the positive, such as ‘I find maths challenging, and I could learn to do it better if I chose to’. NLP also uses a technique whereby you imagine yourself stepping into another person’s shoes (almost like empathy) and take on their own model of the world and borrow their resources such as feelings or beliefs that you might want to adopt for yourself; or to learn a way of doing something, such as to be more confident doing presentations.  You can also use this technique to go back into your own past and utilise feelings/behaviours that you have and imagine yourself stepping back into that time and bringing those into the present or future time where they can be used again. 

Beliefs can be compared to an operating system in a computer such as Windows that enables us to make sense of things and function.  They act as filters and determine how we perceive ‘reality’ and how we feel, think and behave in the outside world.

Our brain can only take in 7+ or – 2 pieces of information at a time. We are bombarded with hundreds of pieces of sensory information every second, so in order for us to cope in the world, we ‘edit out’ and select what we want to see or experience.

Example:

                             
Distorted filter

Anxiety filter                  →      See anything scary or ‘almost scary’

Depression filter          →        See anything negative or unhappy

If the pattern you are running is anxiety or depression for instance, you will only perceive fearful or negative things, and edit out the positives. It is a bit like when you get eight things right and 2 things wrong, you focus on the wrong things.  If this thought process happens enough times, it effectively creates a neural pathway in the brain, and whenever a negative thought is triggered, it responds with the same feeling or behaviour, and sets up an automatic ‘loop’.  CBT aims to break this thought and mood cycle by challenging the thoughts as soon as they arise, and replacing them with alternative, more positive ones, creating new neural pathways in the brain. 

How effective are they?

NLP and CBT teach you to take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings and show you how thinking and behaviour patterns are causing symptoms, rather than the events themselves.  Quite simply, they say, if you change your thoughts, you can change your world, and create new choices in how you respond.

CBT is a quick and effective therapy and helps you gain a greater understanding of the relationship between your thoughts, feelings and behaviours through breaking negative thought patterns, and forming alternative thoughts and ways of responding to situations.  It is more problem focused than NLP which instead focuses on what you want to create, such as confidence, rather than looking at what you don’t want to feel, such as depressed or anxious.  CBT is also very time limited and doesn’t look much at a client’s past emotional history or the root causes of their condition such as early life experiences.  It is also very formulated and directed by the therapist and allows little opportunity for the exploration of feelings, unlike humanistic counselling.

Clinical trials have shown CBT can substantially reduce the symptoms of many emotional disorders. For some people it can work just as well as drug therapies at treating depression and anxiety disorders. All too often, when drug treatments finish, people relapse, and so practitioners may advise patients to continue using medication for longer. When patients are followed up for up to two years after therapy has ended, many studies have shown an advantage for CBT. This research suggests that CBT helps bring about a real change that goes beyond just feeling better while the patient stays in therapy. This has fuelled interest in CBT. The National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) recommends CBT via the NHS for common mental disorders, such as depression and anxiety. 

However, CBT relies on the client to be self motivated and disciplined (and NLP to a certain extent) in order to use the thought records and techniques on a consistent basis in order to create long term change.  NLP also requires a good level of sensory awareness, i.e. the ability to visualise things in order to bring about changes in state. 

Without the regular support of a therapist, or lack of emotional exploration, their may be the risk of a client relapsing at a later date if underlying issues aren’t addressed.  In the case of any therapy, its effectiveness depends on the quality of the therapist, its delivery and how well the client is suited to the approach, and the complexity of their problems. 

Alexandra Bacon is a certified Advanced EFT Practitioner, Counsellor, NLP Coach, Wellbeing consultant and Trainer. To book a free 20 minute consultation, please call Alexandra on 07950 568635 or visit: www.lotusheal.co.uk

Keep Calm & Carry On

We are unable to escape from the scenes of London that have been on every news channel across the world. It has impacted many of our daily lives - our journeys to and from work, sporting events being cancelled and communities in disarray.  The threats of more riots across the country leave an atmosphere of tension and fear.

It is important to recognise the significance of our ability to control our own feelings and actions. Many feelings and emotions have been stirred up by the ongoing events and as the emotions increase our intelligence and our ability to respond appropriately and rationally to what is going around us diminishes. Amongst this uncertainty, there is a possibility that we may become reactive and ruled by our emotions. When we become reactive to situations, our ability to judge situations can become clouded, creating more confusion and unrest. While these events have put people in a high emotional state, I suggest you all to take a deep breath and stop for a moment before reacting or venting. Anger and aggression cannot beat anger and aggression. Only calm and rational minds will see a way beyond the experiences of the last few days. 

I recommend that we focus on the solution (or what you want) rather than the problems we are currently experiencing. London has been through the blitz, IRA bombings, the 7/7 Al Qaeda attacks and the average Londoner knows how to 'Keep Calm and Carry On'. When the aggressor was external we came together with a strong resolution not to be defeated. This time there are no external factors influencing this situation so it is down to us to rally together and appeal for calm. The Government created some morale boosting posters during the Second World War. This simple and quintessentially British message is as apt today as it was during the blitz. 

So take a breath, visualise the calm and not the storm, and help those around you to keep their emotions in check. Most importantly 'Keep Calm and Carry On'.

Top Tips for Making Change Work for You

“If you don't create change, change will create you”

When people ask me what I do as a job, I often describe myself as being ‘a catalyst for change’ or a ‘change facilitator’.  Change is constant and yet as human beings, we find adapting to it really difficult.  We are happy to upgrade to the latest iphone or Wii every five minutes though when it comes to dealing with unexpected situations such as redundancy or a relationship breakdown, we often struggle to cope.  There is the feeling of being out of control or losing the agency in our lives that we once had.

Susan, a client of mine came to see me following several changes in her life; she had just finalised her divorce, had moved up to the Midlands to pursue a new job though felt overwhelmed with the thought of creating a new life on her own. Immobilised with anxiety and panic attacks all the time, she literally had to force herself to leave the house in the morning. 

Change of choice

 

We may try and buffer ourselves from change by getting health insurance or savings, though ultimately, some situations remain out of our control.  As I began writing about ways of handling change, I considered how responses to change can reflect the experience of losing a loved one. Last week, Bombardier made 1400 redundant, following Egg's redundancies in Derby a few days before. I can only imagine the differing reactions of the staff- in particular, the sense of shock, fear, loss, and anger, as well as uncertainty about finding a way forward.  

Working with Susan, I could see she was still in shock over her divorce and filled with regrets about things she had done.  She came to understand that the anxiety she felt was a symptom of her feeling out of control of the situation, and her mind’s way of keeping her safe from experiencing more hurt and upset.  I explained that this was simply an adaptive response to what was happening and that we needed to work on creating more options for her to enable her to create change.

Let go of shoulds

The other word I hear a lot of working with clients is ‘should’- it ‘should be this way’, ‘I should be doing this’ and my response to this is ‘who says?’.  We all want life and the world to be a certain way and so often we fight reality and ‘what is’ by getting angry or depressed as we can’t control it.  In Susan’s case, she felt she ‘should be over the divorce by now’ and felt frustrated with herself for not feeling differently.  Until she did learn to accept herself for her decisions and that the situation had now changed, she remained stuck in anxiety and overwhelm.

Acceptance is a strategy

What I described above about ‘fighting reality’ is what I would describe as a reaction to circumstances- rather than taking a step back and reflecting on what we can change in the situation, we get upset and close down on any options.  Responding to a situation enables us to get some perspective on what is going on when we are probably too immersed in the thick of it at the time.  When we detach from it for a while and see it through different eyes, we start seeing solutions rather than problems. We also experience a greater sense of empowerment and acceptance of what is happening as we begin to refocus on the next steps forward. 

Top Tips for making change work for you:

1.    Get leverage!  Ask yourself, ‘what’s the worst possible outcome in this situation’?  and ‘Can I cope with that?’  Often the worst rarely happens though if we face it, we are more likely to be able to deal with it, if and when it does occur. Doing a SWOT analysis of your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats in the situation you are in is also useful to help you step back and reflect on what you might be missing. By understanding as much as you can about the new situation, you have a better chance of finding a place to fit in or adapt to it.

2.    Get anchored- Focus on which areas in your life are constant and stable right now. Feeling that sense of security in some aspects of your life can be a good anchor point to build on.  If you are in the place where change has left you feeling completely up ended in your life, go back to a time when you did feel that sense of safety, notice what kind of mindset you had then and step into that moment and experience all the good feelings you had then. Keep going back to that time and anchor it by putting your thumb and forefinger together on your right hand. Use this every day to reinforce the good feelings and change your state.


3.    Step into Possibility thinking- When we are in the midst of change and feel a loss of control, we can close doors on new possibilities.  I call this Limited thinking (as in it keeps you stuck where you are), whereas Possibility thinking is about opening doors; asking yourself the right questions, such as: ‘what new opportunities can this situation bring me?’ or ‘I wonder who I might meet today to help me move forward?’ can enable you to refocus on the positives.

4.    Implement- Rather than resisting change, go with it. If you are being forced to go in a certain direction then learn to adapt- make a plan of action for the short and medium term as to how you can implement your own changes in the situation and gain more autonomy in your life. Remember to also include supporters like friends and colleagues who can help encourage you with implementing your plans, and go back to the SWOT analysis for inspiration.


5.    Accept- One of my favourite sayings is: ‘what we resist persists, what we accept can heal’.  As I already said, with change, there can be the experience of loss and a grief process of which acceptance is the final stage.  It is also the most difficult stage though when you do get there, it is when you are really able to utilise the change in your life for the better to expand your own self growth, as Susan did.

It also begs the question- do some people cope better with change than others and what makes them more resilient? I will be talking about this in my next blog instalment.

Alexandra Bacon is a certified Advanced EFT Practitioner, Counsellor, Bach Flower Remedy Practitioner, Wellbeing consultant and Trainer. To book your personalised treatment session please call Alexandra on 01629 825968/ 07950 568635. www.lotusheal.co.uk