CBT & NLP Compared & Contrasted

You may have heard something about CBT and NLP but what do they involve and how can they help you? Read on for my overview to these therapeutic models and how they compare.

What is NLP?

Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP can be defined as the art and science of excellence (consistently repeating results, unconsciously and automatically), and the study of how language and perception of external events affect our behaviour. It is based on something called modelling; the process of duplicating ‘excellent’ behaviour to create the same result, e.g. learning to drive requires you to go through certain processes in your mind and body, such as ‘mirror, signal, manoeuvre’ until it becomes automatic and habitual.

NLP was created in the 1970’s two men, Bandler and Grinder, one a linguist and the other a computer programmer. Some of the original models of communication they developed were influenced by therapists including Fritz Perls (founder of Gestalt therapy) and Virginia Satir, a family therapist. 

NLP claims to provide simple, powerful methods for changing behaviour and producing results through the use of various techniques. It is used in business, education, training as well as therapeutic applications.  It teaches you new patterns of excellence through modelling those who are successful in different aspects of life, such as health, career or personal well being.  For example, if you wanted to learn how to run a great business, you might choose someone such as Richard Branson as your model to work from. 

What is CBT?

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy also says that the person’s view of themselves and their world are central to their behaviour. The core idea is that individuals are emotionally disturbed by their thoughts about an actual event, rather than the event itself.  It is used to treat a variety of conditions, ranging from anxiety and depression through to eating disorders and substance abuse.  It uses thought records to challenge a person’s thoughts and behaviours, as well as exposure work in the case of phobias/fears.

CBT was developed in the 1950’s first by Ivan Pavlov, through his working with dogs and then by Albert Ellis who was one of the main pioneers through REBT. Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, a branch of CBT, shows the link between events, beliefs and feelings through the ABC model:

Example:

A – Actual Event                    Fail at maths test

B – Belief                               I’m stupid/ I’m no good at maths

C – Consequences                 Feel depressed, a failure

Alternative view:

A – Actual Event                    Fail at maths test

B – Belief                               If I work at it, I’ll do better next time

C – Consequences                 Feel motivated to achieve a goal

Aaron Beck was the next person to develop and popularise CBT in the 1960’s.  CBT focuses on problems in thinking patterns and Beck recognised that ‘automatic thoughts’ about something links with how we feel about it. If you changed how you think about it, you can change your mood and/or behaviour. 

Example:

Event: A friend is due to come round to dinner and arrive at 7pm. It is now 8pm and they haven’t called. How do you feel?

Automatic Thought                           Feeling                                    Behaviour

She is so selfish, she didn’t                 Angry             Have a go when she arrives

bother to phone!

It doesn’t matter, I can do

Something else while I wait                Indifferent         Nothing much

She might have had                            Anxious          Ring hospitals

a car crash.

We may all react differently based on beliefs, thought patterns and past experiences, and we all have our own unique model of the world from which we work from.

What can we learn from these theories?

Have you heard the saying:

‘Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t- either way you’re right’ Henry Ford             

We all have our own belief systems, many formed in childhood, which help us to make sense of the world so we can function within it and create structure in our lives. Beliefs such as ‘don’t put your hand in fire, or you’ll get burned’ are useful to us, and enable us to survive.  Others aren’t so positive or useful and can drive us to behave or react in negative ways.  Examples may include: ‘the world is a dangerous place’, or ‘I’m a failure’.  We can hold beliefs about anything and anyone and they suggest that something is fixed and unchanging, without exception.

From NLP developed something called the ‘Meta Model’, which identifies ‘all or nothing’ or distorted, generalised thinking patterns and questions them in a similar way to CBT.  It asks ‘Are things always like this, or just some of the time?’ and aims to reframe thoughts in the positive, such as ‘I find maths challenging, and I could learn to do it better if I chose to’. NLP also uses a technique whereby you imagine yourself stepping into another person’s shoes (almost like empathy) and take on their own model of the world and borrow their resources such as feelings or beliefs that you might want to adopt for yourself; or to learn a way of doing something, such as to be more confident doing presentations.  You can also use this technique to go back into your own past and utilise feelings/behaviours that you have and imagine yourself stepping back into that time and bringing those into the present or future time where they can be used again. 

Beliefs can be compared to an operating system in a computer such as Windows that enables us to make sense of things and function.  They act as filters and determine how we perceive ‘reality’ and how we feel, think and behave in the outside world.

Our brain can only take in 7+ or – 2 pieces of information at a time. We are bombarded with hundreds of pieces of sensory information every second, so in order for us to cope in the world, we ‘edit out’ and select what we want to see or experience.

Example:

                             
Distorted filter

Anxiety filter                  →      See anything scary or ‘almost scary’

Depression filter          →        See anything negative or unhappy

If the pattern you are running is anxiety or depression for instance, you will only perceive fearful or negative things, and edit out the positives. It is a bit like when you get eight things right and 2 things wrong, you focus on the wrong things.  If this thought process happens enough times, it effectively creates a neural pathway in the brain, and whenever a negative thought is triggered, it responds with the same feeling or behaviour, and sets up an automatic ‘loop’.  CBT aims to break this thought and mood cycle by challenging the thoughts as soon as they arise, and replacing them with alternative, more positive ones, creating new neural pathways in the brain. 

How effective are they?

NLP and CBT teach you to take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings and show you how thinking and behaviour patterns are causing symptoms, rather than the events themselves.  Quite simply, they say, if you change your thoughts, you can change your world, and create new choices in how you respond.

CBT is a quick and effective therapy and helps you gain a greater understanding of the relationship between your thoughts, feelings and behaviours through breaking negative thought patterns, and forming alternative thoughts and ways of responding to situations.  It is more problem focused than NLP which instead focuses on what you want to create, such as confidence, rather than looking at what you don’t want to feel, such as depressed or anxious.  CBT is also very time limited and doesn’t look much at a client’s past emotional history or the root causes of their condition such as early life experiences.  It is also very formulated and directed by the therapist and allows little opportunity for the exploration of feelings, unlike humanistic counselling.

Clinical trials have shown CBT can substantially reduce the symptoms of many emotional disorders. For some people it can work just as well as drug therapies at treating depression and anxiety disorders. All too often, when drug treatments finish, people relapse, and so practitioners may advise patients to continue using medication for longer. When patients are followed up for up to two years after therapy has ended, many studies have shown an advantage for CBT. This research suggests that CBT helps bring about a real change that goes beyond just feeling better while the patient stays in therapy. This has fuelled interest in CBT. The National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) recommends CBT via the NHS for common mental disorders, such as depression and anxiety. 

However, CBT relies on the client to be self motivated and disciplined (and NLP to a certain extent) in order to use the thought records and techniques on a consistent basis in order to create long term change.  NLP also requires a good level of sensory awareness, i.e. the ability to visualise things in order to bring about changes in state. 

Without the regular support of a therapist, or lack of emotional exploration, their may be the risk of a client relapsing at a later date if underlying issues aren’t addressed.  In the case of any therapy, its effectiveness depends on the quality of the therapist, its delivery and how well the client is suited to the approach, and the complexity of their problems. 

Alexandra Bacon is a certified Advanced EFT Practitioner, Counsellor, NLP Coach, Wellbeing consultant and Trainer. To book a free 20 minute consultation, please call Alexandra on 07950 568635 or visit: www.lotusheal.co.uk

Keep Calm & Carry On

We are unable to escape from the scenes of London that have been on every news channel across the world. It has impacted many of our daily lives - our journeys to and from work, sporting events being cancelled and communities in disarray.  The threats of more riots across the country leave an atmosphere of tension and fear.

It is important to recognise the significance of our ability to control our own feelings and actions. Many feelings and emotions have been stirred up by the ongoing events and as the emotions increase our intelligence and our ability to respond appropriately and rationally to what is going around us diminishes. Amongst this uncertainty, there is a possibility that we may become reactive and ruled by our emotions. When we become reactive to situations, our ability to judge situations can become clouded, creating more confusion and unrest. While these events have put people in a high emotional state, I suggest you all to take a deep breath and stop for a moment before reacting or venting. Anger and aggression cannot beat anger and aggression. Only calm and rational minds will see a way beyond the experiences of the last few days. 

I recommend that we focus on the solution (or what you want) rather than the problems we are currently experiencing. London has been through the blitz, IRA bombings, the 7/7 Al Qaeda attacks and the average Londoner knows how to 'Keep Calm and Carry On'. When the aggressor was external we came together with a strong resolution not to be defeated. This time there are no external factors influencing this situation so it is down to us to rally together and appeal for calm. The Government created some morale boosting posters during the Second World War. This simple and quintessentially British message is as apt today as it was during the blitz. 

So take a breath, visualise the calm and not the storm, and help those around you to keep their emotions in check. Most importantly 'Keep Calm and Carry On'.

Top Tips for Making Change Work for You

“If you don't create change, change will create you”

When people ask me what I do as a job, I often describe myself as being ‘a catalyst for change’ or a ‘change facilitator’.  Change is constant and yet as human beings, we find adapting to it really difficult.  We are happy to upgrade to the latest iphone or Wii every five minutes though when it comes to dealing with unexpected situations such as redundancy or a relationship breakdown, we often struggle to cope.  There is the feeling of being out of control or losing the agency in our lives that we once had.

Susan, a client of mine came to see me following several changes in her life; she had just finalised her divorce, had moved up to the Midlands to pursue a new job though felt overwhelmed with the thought of creating a new life on her own. Immobilised with anxiety and panic attacks all the time, she literally had to force herself to leave the house in the morning. 

Change of choice

 

We may try and buffer ourselves from change by getting health insurance or savings, though ultimately, some situations remain out of our control.  As I began writing about ways of handling change, I considered how responses to change can reflect the experience of losing a loved one. Last week, Bombardier made 1400 redundant, following Egg's redundancies in Derby a few days before. I can only imagine the differing reactions of the staff- in particular, the sense of shock, fear, loss, and anger, as well as uncertainty about finding a way forward.  

Working with Susan, I could see she was still in shock over her divorce and filled with regrets about things she had done.  She came to understand that the anxiety she felt was a symptom of her feeling out of control of the situation, and her mind’s way of keeping her safe from experiencing more hurt and upset.  I explained that this was simply an adaptive response to what was happening and that we needed to work on creating more options for her to enable her to create change.

Let go of shoulds

The other word I hear a lot of working with clients is ‘should’- it ‘should be this way’, ‘I should be doing this’ and my response to this is ‘who says?’.  We all want life and the world to be a certain way and so often we fight reality and ‘what is’ by getting angry or depressed as we can’t control it.  In Susan’s case, she felt she ‘should be over the divorce by now’ and felt frustrated with herself for not feeling differently.  Until she did learn to accept herself for her decisions and that the situation had now changed, she remained stuck in anxiety and overwhelm.

Acceptance is a strategy

What I described above about ‘fighting reality’ is what I would describe as a reaction to circumstances- rather than taking a step back and reflecting on what we can change in the situation, we get upset and close down on any options.  Responding to a situation enables us to get some perspective on what is going on when we are probably too immersed in the thick of it at the time.  When we detach from it for a while and see it through different eyes, we start seeing solutions rather than problems. We also experience a greater sense of empowerment and acceptance of what is happening as we begin to refocus on the next steps forward. 

Top Tips for making change work for you:

1.    Get leverage!  Ask yourself, ‘what’s the worst possible outcome in this situation’?  and ‘Can I cope with that?’  Often the worst rarely happens though if we face it, we are more likely to be able to deal with it, if and when it does occur. Doing a SWOT analysis of your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats in the situation you are in is also useful to help you step back and reflect on what you might be missing. By understanding as much as you can about the new situation, you have a better chance of finding a place to fit in or adapt to it.

2.    Get anchored- Focus on which areas in your life are constant and stable right now. Feeling that sense of security in some aspects of your life can be a good anchor point to build on.  If you are in the place where change has left you feeling completely up ended in your life, go back to a time when you did feel that sense of safety, notice what kind of mindset you had then and step into that moment and experience all the good feelings you had then. Keep going back to that time and anchor it by putting your thumb and forefinger together on your right hand. Use this every day to reinforce the good feelings and change your state.


3.    Step into Possibility thinking- When we are in the midst of change and feel a loss of control, we can close doors on new possibilities.  I call this Limited thinking (as in it keeps you stuck where you are), whereas Possibility thinking is about opening doors; asking yourself the right questions, such as: ‘what new opportunities can this situation bring me?’ or ‘I wonder who I might meet today to help me move forward?’ can enable you to refocus on the positives.

4.    Implement- Rather than resisting change, go with it. If you are being forced to go in a certain direction then learn to adapt- make a plan of action for the short and medium term as to how you can implement your own changes in the situation and gain more autonomy in your life. Remember to also include supporters like friends and colleagues who can help encourage you with implementing your plans, and go back to the SWOT analysis for inspiration.


5.    Accept- One of my favourite sayings is: ‘what we resist persists, what we accept can heal’.  As I already said, with change, there can be the experience of loss and a grief process of which acceptance is the final stage.  It is also the most difficult stage though when you do get there, it is when you are really able to utilise the change in your life for the better to expand your own self growth, as Susan did.

It also begs the question- do some people cope better with change than others and what makes them more resilient? I will be talking about this in my next blog instalment.

Alexandra Bacon is a certified Advanced EFT Practitioner, Counsellor, Bach Flower Remedy Practitioner, Wellbeing consultant and Trainer. To book your personalised treatment session please call Alexandra on 01629 825968/ 07950 568635. www.lotusheal.co.uk

Avoidance is not a Strategy

“How soon 'not now' becomes 'never'.” Martin Luther

We all have our own habits of avoidance- from cleaning the house when we really need to prepare for that meeting, to oversleeping to avoid going to the gym.  Even when we know we have to face doing that particular thing, we often end up sabotaging ourselves once again and then inevitably feel guilty or frustrated.  You might ask yourself ‘why’ you keep doing it and feel powerless to change.

There is an element of self delusion in the process; procrastinators tell lies to themselves. Such as, "I'll feel more like doing this tomorrow." Or "I work best under pressure." The reality being that they do not get the urge the next day or work best under pressure. In addition, they protect their sense of self by saying "this isn't important." Another big lie procrastinators indulge is that time pressure makes them more creative. Unfortunately they do not turn out to be more creative; they only feel that way and they squander their resources.

Tom came to see me wanting help to overcome his procrastination issue. He summarised it as ‘putting his head in the sand’ to the point where he sabotaged everything; his boss was becoming increasingly frustrated with him under performing at work due to his seeming lack of motivation.  His wife was virtually set to leave him unless he sorted himself out as he avoided doing anything at home, even spending time with her (as he spent his evenings catching up on work).  Although Tom is an extreme example of how stuck you can become in procrastination patterns, it is easy to get to this point unless you address the underlying cause.  In Tom’s case, his chronic low self esteem and fear of failure prevented him from even trying to do things in the first place.

There are various causes of procrastination-the main ones are outlined below:

Perfectionism: Many people who procrastinate have a fear of not doing something "perfectly".  They constantly feel the need to wait for the perfect time and the perfect circumstances to take action.  Sadly, that never happens, so they keep holding back, waiting endlessly.

Fear of failure: People who procrastinate because of a fear of failure feel safer dreaming about the great things they'll do someday, but they avoid doing them now because they might fail.  They want to wait until they feel stronger and more capable before they take action, but they don't stop to think that strength and capability are developed by DOING, not thinking or dreaming.

Fear of success: As strange as it may seem, procrastination may also be caused by a fear of success.  Even though a person may think he or she WANTS to be successful, they worry about the potential burden(s) of success, the obligations, increased responsibility, increased attention from others, and more.  It feels safer to stay behind the scenes, dreaming of success but never daring to achieve it.  

Fear of the unknown: The unknown consequences of taking action can often cause a person to hold back, because as dissatisfied with their life as they may be, at least it's familiar.  These people often have the "one wrong move" syndrome, and they avoid taking action because they fear it might be the wrong action, which would cause more problems for them. 

Low self-worth: A person who doesn't believe they deserve happiness and success will usually avoid taking action to create it in their lives.  They'll remain locked in unpleasant circumstances, even though they desperately wish they could get out of them.

Low self-confidence: Sometimes procrastination is caused by a simple lack of confidence.  A person may desire to change, and believe they deserve a better life, but they hold back because they doubt their ability to make lasting changes.  Rather than try, they simply accept the "fact" that they can't do anything about it. 

Procrastinators actively look for distractions, particularly ones that don't take a lot of commitment on their part. Checking e-mail or Facebook is almost perfect for this purpose. They distract themselves as a way of regulating their emotions such as anxiety around failure. In Tom’s case, it got to the point where his fear kept him locked in a habituated state of avoidance- even though he wanted to change he couldn’t because the fear would be too overwhelming.  Until he learned to pass through the ‘pain barrier’ of fear, he was able to move forward and gradually resolve his anxiety.

As with Tom, once you understand why you're procrastinating, it's important to develop a plan to help you move forward.  A successful plan will involve:

1.    Addressing and altering your limiting beliefs: This will take consistent effort on your part, and a willingness to challenge your beliefs.  For example, if you believe you don't deserve a better life, you'll need to change that belief and convince yourself that you are worthy of having the things you want. Trying something like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can help you address this. 

2.    Taking action: It's ironic that the "cure" for procrastination is the very thing that causes the fear that creates it!  If you weren't afraid of taking action (for any reason), you wouldn't procrastinate.  In order to overcome procrastination, you need to be willing to take action in spite of the fear.  You need to build up your courage and ignore those fear-ridden thoughts that try to stop you. Start by prioritising what you need to do and break down each task into manageable stages to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

3.    Start small: The great thing about taking action is that it builds your confidence bigger and stronger every time you do it.  Even tiny actions have the power to change everything.  Most notably, you suddenly realize that there is nothing to fear.  Once you push through that initial terror, you realize that you're still okay.  This gives you the courage to take another step forward, and another.

4.    There is No Failure only feedback. It's important to be firm, yet gentle with yourself through this process.  It's good to push yourself a little bit, though not to the point that you backslide and give up completely.  Listen to yourself and begin to distinguish between your inner guidance and fearful thoughts.  The more you work at it, the clearer and easier it becomes though it is important to review your progress on a weekly or fortnightly basis and if it isn’t working, try something else. 

Procrastination is a destructive behaviour that that can take on a life of its own if left unaddressed. The good news is that changing these patterns is possible when you choose to take control and overcome your fearful thoughts as Tom did.  

As Arnold Bennet said, “We shall never have more time. We have, and always had, all the time there is. No object is served in waiting until next week or even until tomorrow. Keep going... Concentrate on something useful.”

Alexandra Bacon is a certified Advanced EFT Practitioner, Counsellor, Bach Flower Remedy Practitioner, Wellbeing consultant and Trainer. To book your personalised treatment session please call Alexandra on 01629 825968/ 07950 568635. www.lotusheal.co.uk

Feeling Mind-full?

“ Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans”. John Lennon

I saw this phrase written on someone’s T-shirt the other day after returning from Birmingham on the train. I had to chuckle to myself as at the time, I was eating a sandwich, listening to my ipod whilst making a list of all the things I had to do for work over the coming week.  Like many people, I felt I was being super efficient by cramming as much into that spare half hour as I could, otherwise I’d be ‘wasting time’!  Seeing that man’s T-shirt made me stop in my tracks and question myself; ‘what was actually going on for me in this moment?’  I noticed myself feeling really tense and tight in my head and my mind felt like it was racing ahead like a steam train.  Sound familiar? Well it may be a result of feeling mind-full.

The opposite of being Mind-full- a phrase I coined to describe the state of cramming as much as we can into our lives, without being present is ‘Mindfulness’.  Being mindful isn’t about trying to get somewhere or achieving something, it is about just being conscious of where we are, wherever that is, and creating a space for experiencing the present moment. James Baraz puts it like this:

"Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).”

In that situation on the train, It was only when I stopped, checked in with my body and took a few moments to actually feel that I realised how much stress I was holding onto. I was also aware of how many stressed thoughts I was having like “I’ve got to go and do this” and “what if I don’t get time next week to meet her”, which again created more tension and anxiety- all over things that haven’t happened yet!  When I moved my awareness from my body to what was happening around me I also noticed that the sun was shining and the trees outside the window were full of cherry blossom. Did noticing these things change my situation? Not at all, though it certainly brought me back to the awareness of it, without the need to project myself into the past or future and create more thoughts, and subsequently enjoyed my experience of it more.

An analogy that Buddhist monk and teacher Thich Nhat Hanh uses is of feelings and thoughts being like “clouds in a windy sky”, just coming and going with the flow of our mind.  It is when we try and hook into these thoughts and allow our mind to create stress in our body-mind that we experience suffering or anxiety.  He suggests using the breath as our ‘anchor’ to the present though we can also use our experience of the moment.  For instance, the view of the train outside, the smell of the coffee I was drinking or even the sound of the man snoring next to me!  The question you might be asking when you read this though is “what if I want to escape the present when it is uncomfortable or unpleasant- surely that’s when I need to focus on the future!?”

The thing with Mindfulness is that it isn’t about making the present better or trying to get somewhere nicer in our experience- it is simply about being in this moment only, whether our minds judge it as being good or bad, it is just this moment.  Getting back into the practice of Mindfulness (rather than feeling Mind-full!) this week has certainly helped enrich my experience of life just within the last week.  Although I feel myself moving slower than I was before, I am actually more efficient, less stressed and noticeably calmer in even the most potentially stressful situations- even feeling serene in that traffic jam on the M1!  The beauty of Mindfulness is that is so simple and can be done wherever you are- here’s some tips on getting started.

Beginning to Be Mindful

1. Do one thing at a time. Single-task, don’t multi-task. When you’re pouring water, just pour water. When you’re eating, just eat. When you’re bathing, just bathe. Don’t try to knock off a few tasks while eating or bathing or driving. Zen proverb: “When walking, walk. When eating, eat.”

2. Do less. If you do less, you can do those things more slowly, more completely and with more concentration. If you fill your day with tasks, you will be rushing from one thing to the next without stopping to think about what you do. Even if you’re busy, it’s a matter of working out what’s a priority, and letting go of what’s not. 

3. Do it slowly and deliberately. You can do one task at a time, but also rush that task. Instead, take your time, and move slowly. Make your actions deliberate, not rushed and random. It takes practice, but it helps you focus on the task.

4. Create spaces. Related to the “Do less” rule, but it’s a way of managing your schedule so that you always have time to complete each task. Don’t schedule things close together — instead, leave room between things on your schedule. That gives you a more relaxed schedule, and leaves space in case one task takes longer than you planned.

5. Spend at least 5 minutes each day just being mindful. Just sit in silence. Become aware of your thoughts. Focus on your breathing. Notice the world around you. Become comfortable with the silence and stillness. If thoughts start coming up just say to yourself “this is just a thought” and gently change your focus and let it go.

6. Stop worrying about the future – focus on the present. Become more aware of your thinking — are you constantly worrying about the future? Learn to recognize when you’re doing this, and then practice bringing yourself back to the present. Just focus on what you’re doing, right now. Enjoy the present moment.

7. When you’re talking to someone, be present. How many of us have spent time with someone but have been thinking about what we need to do in the future? Or thinking about what we want to say next, instead of really listening to that person? Instead, focus on being present, on really listening, on really enjoying your time with that person.

8. Eat slowly and savour your food. Food can be crammed down our throats in a rush, but where’s the joy in that? Relish each bite, slowly, and really get the most out of your food. Most of us watch TV, read or make shopping lists (or all three!) whilst we eat.  Experiment with just eating and see what happens. 

9. Make cleaning and cooking become meditation. Cooking and cleaning are often seen as drudgery, but actually they are both great ways to practice mindfulness, and can be great rituals performed each day. If cooking and cleaning seem like boring chores to you, try doing them as a form of meditation. Put your entire mind into those tasks, concentrate, and do them slowly and completely. It could change your entire day (as well as leave you with a cleaner house).

10. Keep practicing. When you get frustrated, just take a deep breath. When you ask yourself, “What should I do now?”, the answer is “keep practicing”.  Remember there is no right or wrong way, there is just being where you are in that moment.

Alexandra Bacon is a certified Advanced EFT Practitioner, Counsellor, Bach Flower Remedy Practitioner, Wellbeing consultant and Trainer. To book your personalised treatment session please call Alexandra on 01629 825968/ 07950 568635. www.lotusheal.co.uk