Is Facebook Reducing your Wellbeing?

Facebook lowers life Satisfaction

According to a recent study Facebook can make us feel worse about ourselves and our lives.  Facebook is widely regarding as a way of keeping in touch with our friends and family and allowing us to stay well connected.  The study conducted by The universities of Michigan and Leuven in Belgium recruited a group of young people in their late teens and early 20’s to test this out.  Participants were text messaged five times a day for 14 days with an online survey asking questions like ‘How do you feel right now?’ and ‘How much have you used Facebook since the last time we asked?’ and completed a life satisfaction survey before and after.

The researchers reported that the more the participants used Facebook, the more unhappy and dissatisfied they felt with their lives; whereas direct social contact made them feel better about themselves and had no negative effects on their life satisfaction.  It was found that Facebook was more likely to be used when the individuals felt bad which subsequently made them feel worse.  Social comparison with peers and friends was cited as one of the main reasons which lead to increased feelings of dissatisfaction and lower states of wellbeing.  

Facebook linked to Narcissism

Other studies* looking at the correlation between social media use and narcissism in those in middle age also indicates that there is a link between narcissistic traits and amount of Facebook use.  In our self obsessed ‘generation me’ culture, people are seemingly more needy for validation and approval than ever before and with social media those needs are met instantly. Self worth may lower if we feel that we aren’t achieving the same amount of ‘likes’ on our posts or aren’t having as an exciting life as our peers as we perceive it.  The studies suggest however that certain personality traits such as exhibitionism can be magnified with use of social media rather than Social media being the problem in itself. 

Facebook isn’t the core issue

Studies conclude that there is no substitute for face to face contact though should we cut ourselves off from Social Media altogether?  It can be a source of great social support for younger and older generations alike and enables us to keep in touch with people when in our busy lives we wouldn’t otherwise do.  There are certain indicators like existing low self esteem issues and loneliness that make some more vulnerable to being affected by Facebook use. Like any platform, it is how and when we use it that is key to our Psychological wellbeing and it being a positive rather than a negative addition in our lives.  

Here’s 5 tips for keeping yourself and your family sane whilst using Facebook: 

1.  Keep Boundaries around yours and your family’s Facebook Use: With Smartphones and iPads, we are all switched onto Social Media 24-7 and it can easily eat up your spare time. Have certain times in the day when you switch it off and spend time speaking on the phone and face to face with your family and friends. 
2. Avoid Using Facebook when you’re in a low or frustrated mood.  As research suggests, it only creates a further downer when you do, so be more conscious of doing things like going out for a run or phoning a good friend to boost your mood.   
3. Ask yourself what is the purpose for you using Facebook and does it really add something positive to your life? If it doesn’t and the negatives outweigh the positives, consider deleting your account and encouraging your friends/family to use another social media platform like Instagram or Twitter to keep in touch.
4. If you or a family member is using Facebook because you’re feeling lonely or isolated, consider other options.  Social media is easily accessible though it can lower confidence and self esteem if other social outlets aren’t utilised.  Consider joining a group for a hobby you enjoy or starting a night class.  If you feel you need support to overcome your barriers, you may consider speaking to a Therapist for support. 
5.  Finally, try changing the way you use Facebook so it becomes a more positive social outlet in your life.  Rather than moaning for instance as a lot of people do (or on the other handing, showing off about how wonderful your life is!) try sharing something positive or inspiring that has happened to you or you’ve come across.  If certain ‘friends’ on Facebook become regularly annoying or negative, try deleting them from your Facebook newsfeed or deleting them altogether!  Weave a new social fabric in your life and experience your positivity grow.

*http://www.slate.com/blogs/future_tense/2013/09/24/facebook_s_for_middle_aged_narcissists_twitter_for_young_ones.html

How your Eyes are the Key to Releasing your Past

“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”  Wayne Dyer

In the film, Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind, lovers Joel and Clementine (Jim Carey and Kate Winslet) try and erase their memories of each other following a fight.  As you watch the film in reverse, you witness the memories through the perspective of Joel’s unconscious mind as they are erased.  A lot of us might identify with wanting that ‘quick fix’ to dissolve the pain of our past or to get over a distressing ending in our lives.  Trauma does need time to process though being able to quickly detach from past memories and emotional pain is no longer the stuff of movies. 

A new form of treatment “Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing” (EMDR) developed by Francine Shapiro in the 1980’s has been shown to effectively help sufferers of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as well as other Anxiety, phobia and Mood disorders. The effectiveness of EMDR Therapy has been well established as the result of more than 20 randomized controlled studies. The idea of this therapy is to recall the experiences in a safe, comfortable environment, and this helps the individual to realise that they are no longer under threat, which reduces their anxiety and stress.

A Typical EMDR procedure:

1.   The therapist will discuss any expectations with you and what you want to achieve through the treatment. This is often to ensure that desires are realistic and they know how it can benefit them.

2.   The therapist then explains how the procedure will be carried out, and if you give consent, they will begin.

3.   First you are taught a simple breathing exercise to help with anxiety – facing your fears can be very stressful, and it’s important that they is calm and relaxed. A typical breathing exercise here is to breathe in through nose for 7 seconds, and out through the mouth for 11 seconds – this combination is known to trigger neurons in the brain associated with peace and relaxation.

4.   They begin; the therapist moves their finger in front of your eyes, continuing to do so, and you will find that their eyes naturally follow it, and that you get into the rhythm. 

5.   The therapist will then gently ask a question, such as “What was your first experience of ___?” or “How did you react to ____?” to get to the first memory to process. Of course, if they are not comfortable enough to answer, the therapist will not persist and the EMDR will continue regardless.

6.   The therapist then begins processing the memory and asks what you notice on each set of taps or eye movements every 15-30 second intervals. You will typically experience a change in the memories and feelings as the process continues and you feel more relaxed. I describe it as being on a train where the scenery changes but not getting off at any stop. 

7.   Towards the end of the therapy, you will be asked to visualise leaving through a doorway – this symbolises the end of an experience, leaving the memories and the pain behind. 

8.   Once the EMDR is finished, you will do more calming breathing exercises, and you will discuss with the therapist how you felt. Typically, treatment needed is between 2-4 sessions depending on the issue.

There are many variations of the EMDR procedure, including simple eye movements, watching an LED light travel and flash, listening to tones and many more.

Although EMDR is a budding, young method of therapy, it has been shown as very effective and more recent research has shown it to be helpful to sufferers of many things; eating disorders, addictions, OCD, panic attacks and anxiety. It is a safe therapy with no side effects.

Alexandra Bacon is an experienced EMDR Therapist based in the East Midlands. 

Anti Depressants- do they really work?

“Pain could be killed. Sadness could not, but the drugs did shut its mouth for a time.”  Colson Whitehead, Zone One

There is currently a debate around whether Anti depressants are being overused for treating Depression and if there is really a strong enough evidence base for them.

Statistics show that at least 1 in 10 people in the UK suffer from depression, it’s prevalence being slightly higher in women, with 1 in 20 of sufferers being as a result of clinical depression.  Anti depressant prescriptions in the UK have increased by 9.6% in 2011, to 46 million prescriptions and continue to rise.

There is no question that most people with Depression report a reduction in their symptoms though research shows that improvement appears to be due to psychological factors, i.e., the placebo effect.  Evidence is currently inconclusive about how much the Placebo effect is involved. We could ask, how much of the effectiveness of medication is due to the active ingredients and the non Placebo effect?

From my own experiences of working with hundreds of clients with Depression, both Clinical (i.e. from a chemical Serotonin imbalance) and ‘Reactive’ (as a result of a response to an event or stressor), Anti Depressants do have their place.  Many initially report an improvement using Anti Depressants though often, alone they aren’t enough to resolve the underlying factors that cause it in the first place and that help maintain it.  For instance, taking a pill when experiencing work stress may buffer against some of the negative emotional effects though unless the underlying triggers are addressed, things may not change long term. With some clients, Anti Depressants have little effect or in some cases, cause a worsening of symptoms as a result of unpleasant side effects.

Dr Ian Reid, Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Aberdeen, says "Antidepressants are but one element available in the treatment of depression, not a panacea,"…they can have harmful side effects, and they certainly don't help everyone with the disorder. But they are not overprescribed. Careless reportage has demonised them in the public eye, adding to the stigmatisation of mental illness, and erecting unnecessary barriers to effective care." 

The National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) guidelines doesn’t promote the use of Anti depressants as a first port of call for treating moderate depression though instead advocates talking therapies such as CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and Interpersonal Therapy initially. Often however, long NHS waiting lists prevent individuals accessing services.  GP’s only option then is to prescribe medication to patients when there are few alternatives available.

Posing my question at the beginning, is there enough evidence to support the widespread use of Anti Depressants; one might argue, if it makes people feel better, why worry about how that happens? Perhaps the individual’s belief in the pill as well as the scientific base causes the improvement.  Often, the therapeutic benefit of talking about our problems and expressing our feelings to a professional such as a GP is part of the healing effect;  ‘It’s good to talk’ as BT says.

The promotion of medication alone however, dismisses the wider implications of creating a culture of ‘pill popping’ rather than addressing underlying causes and socioeconomic factors.   We should be asking why has depression become endemic, not only in the UK but worldwide and how can we change it? In our modern ‘quick fix’ society, we are prone to avoiding the real issues when we need to take a move in the direction of change and start doing something differently. 

Greater Steps Towards Happiness- Step 5: Learning to Let Go

Although we like to coin the phrase ‘putting the past behind us’, often we rationalise how we feel when our emotions continue to cause us disturbance and limit our ability to be happy.  We might attempt to distract ourselves from unpleasant memories or feelings- anything from going out socialising all the time to watching TV or going on Facebook. These patterns of avoidance then easily become a way of life and keep us stuck. 

Making peace with the past is something that enables us to move forward on our path towards happiness and also allows us to live and embrace the ‘here and now’.  

First of all, taking time to reflect on what is unresolved in your life enables you to develop awareness of it. It might be related to childhood issues or recurring patterns such as in relationships, whether the issue was triggered by you or someone else. You might identify certain themes in your life, such as rejection or loneliness- recognising this pattern is the first step towards changing it and understanding how your present situation evolved. This is different from dwelling on the past as opposed to creating new connections that enable you to learn from your experience.

Letting go also involves forgiveness-recurring negative feelings such as guilt, anger and resentment are signs of non-forgiveness, towards ourselves or others.  Forgiveness can take time and is hard to do and also involves having compassion for yourself or the other person.  Holding onto such attachments keeps you a prisoner to the past and keeps you caught in a vicious cycle of negativity and blame. 

To begin the forgiveness process, choose three people in your life who still provoke anger or resentment and write down the reasons why it was their fault. Then try challenging these thoughts, offering evidence for and against your view and re-evaluate what happened.  Try stepping into their shoes and seeing what you feel or how you see the situation- does it feel any different?

Finally, allow yourself the opportunity to write a letter to each person outlining how you feel and express freely what you needed to say.  This isn’t meant to be sent, just an exercise to discharge your emotion around it.  Then review your feelings again and see how it feels.  If possible, speak to that person and allow yourself to be honest with how this situation affected you, adding that you would like to now release it and move forward.  

As Robert Muller put it: “To forgive is the most highest beautiful form of love. In return, you will get untold peace and happiness.”

How to enjoy being Alone

“Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.”

Paul Tillich

A client who’d recently separated from her partner asked me the other day: “how do you do being alone, I just don’t know how?”  We are told that being ‘alone’ is different from being ‘lonely’ though for some the two can be intertwined.  We use music, Facebook, anything to ‘avoid the void’ of feeling lonely and distract ourselves from experiencing fear.  At the same time, we often crave solitude in a world that’s switched on 24/7.  It can be a challenge to slow down and just ‘be’ with ourselves.

We are indeed social animals and accordingly seek out others to spend time with;  ‘No man is an island’ as John Donne famously said.  The illusion of ‘needing’ people runs deep in society, as does the belief that being alone equals being unhappy and isolated.

Thomas Moore, author of Care of the Soul, says, "We seem to have a complex about busyness in our culture. Most of us do have time in our days that we could devote to simple relaxation, but we convince ourselves that we don't." It seems there is always something that needs doing, always someone who needs our attention. "Unfortunately," Moore says, "we don't get a lot of support in this culture for doing nothing. If we aren't accomplishing something, we feel that we're wasting time."

Being alone in solitude allows clarity and creativity. "We live in an extremely externalized culture," Moore says. "We are constantly pulled outside ourselves—by other people, by the media, by the demands of daily life. Nothing in our culture or in our education teaches us how to go inward, how to steady the mind and calm our attention. As a consequence, we tend to devote very little time to the life of the soul, the life of the spirit."

Tips for embracing solitude:

Go on a date with yourself: Start with a small with an activity that you would normally do with another person such as going out to dinner or to the cinema.  Go into it with an open and positive mind and be curious- how different/enjoyable is the experience when doing it alone?  My favourite time for being alone is outside in nature, free from the distractions of my phone and laptop.  Solitude and isolation do not go hand in hand. We can retreat from the world for a time without being renounced by it. 

Try something new: Being with another person may help life feel safer though we can also end up avoiding trying new things and experiences and life can become stale and predictable.  What have you been putting off in your life that you haven’t done or tried yet? Make a list of at least ten things and then create an action plan of when you’re going to start them.  If it is something that involves some planning like going travelling or writing a book, chunk down the process into smaller steps. Then, take action!
 

Learn to connect with yourself: Of course, “It's so lonely when you don't even know yourself." Most of us are too busy trying to avoid feeling alone and staying focused on the external world, which results in us neglecting our internal state-our mind and emotions.  Taking time out to reflect on what you feel is positive use of ‘alone time’ and enables you to check out whether you are meeting your own needs as well as others.  Get to know and make friends with yourself.  Start with just 5 mins at the end of the day to reflect on how you have felt through the day and what has been good can help promote positive feelings and also get you more attuned with yourself.

 

Learn to switch off: Staying connected to others, technology and the world for too long can be draining and lead to stress and fatigue.  Ensuring you have time out to yourself is important in order to recoup your energies and maintain good boundaries in your relationships.  If you find this difficult with certain people in your life, ask yourself ‘What is it about this person or relationship that I can’t allow myself space for myself?’ Are you being a pleaser or scared of how they might react if you decide to have time to yourself?

 

Reach out to others: Learning when you need time to be alone and time to connect with other people is important to avoid feeling isolated.  Experiencing a relationship break up or bereavement for example can leave you feeling distant from others and the world.  Learning ways of gradually reconnecting with the world again is important.  Trying something like joining an online community forum, support group or taking up an evening class can be a good start to enable you to feel a part of the world again.

 

We need to balance the pace and intensity of modern life with periods of what poet May Sarton has called "open time, with no obligations except toward the inner world and what is going on there." Alone—in moments of prayer or meditation, or simply in stillness—we breathe more deeply, see more fully, hear more keenly. We notice more, and in the process, we return to what is sacred.