Is Facebook Reducing your Wellbeing?

Facebook lowers life Satisfaction

According to a recent study Facebook can make us feel worse about ourselves and our lives.  Facebook is widely regarding as a way of keeping in touch with our friends and family and allowing us to stay well connected.  The study conducted by The universities of Michigan and Leuven in Belgium recruited a group of young people in their late teens and early 20’s to test this out.  Participants were text messaged five times a day for 14 days with an online survey asking questions like ‘How do you feel right now?’ and ‘How much have you used Facebook since the last time we asked?’ and completed a life satisfaction survey before and after.

The researchers reported that the more the participants used Facebook, the more unhappy and dissatisfied they felt with their lives; whereas direct social contact made them feel better about themselves and had no negative effects on their life satisfaction.  It was found that Facebook was more likely to be used when the individuals felt bad which subsequently made them feel worse.  Social comparison with peers and friends was cited as one of the main reasons which lead to increased feelings of dissatisfaction and lower states of wellbeing.  

Facebook linked to Narcissism

Other studies* looking at the correlation between social media use and narcissism in those in middle age also indicates that there is a link between narcissistic traits and amount of Facebook use.  In our self obsessed ‘generation me’ culture, people are seemingly more needy for validation and approval than ever before and with social media those needs are met instantly. Self worth may lower if we feel that we aren’t achieving the same amount of ‘likes’ on our posts or aren’t having as an exciting life as our peers as we perceive it.  The studies suggest however that certain personality traits such as exhibitionism can be magnified with use of social media rather than Social media being the problem in itself. 

Facebook isn’t the core issue

Studies conclude that there is no substitute for face to face contact though should we cut ourselves off from Social Media altogether?  It can be a source of great social support for younger and older generations alike and enables us to keep in touch with people when in our busy lives we wouldn’t otherwise do.  There are certain indicators like existing low self esteem issues and loneliness that make some more vulnerable to being affected by Facebook use. Like any platform, it is how and when we use it that is key to our Psychological wellbeing and it being a positive rather than a negative addition in our lives.  

Here’s 5 tips for keeping yourself and your family sane whilst using Facebook: 

1.  Keep Boundaries around yours and your family’s Facebook Use: With Smartphones and iPads, we are all switched onto Social Media 24-7 and it can easily eat up your spare time. Have certain times in the day when you switch it off and spend time speaking on the phone and face to face with your family and friends. 
2. Avoid Using Facebook when you’re in a low or frustrated mood.  As research suggests, it only creates a further downer when you do, so be more conscious of doing things like going out for a run or phoning a good friend to boost your mood.   
3. Ask yourself what is the purpose for you using Facebook and does it really add something positive to your life? If it doesn’t and the negatives outweigh the positives, consider deleting your account and encouraging your friends/family to use another social media platform like Instagram or Twitter to keep in touch.
4. If you or a family member is using Facebook because you’re feeling lonely or isolated, consider other options.  Social media is easily accessible though it can lower confidence and self esteem if other social outlets aren’t utilised.  Consider joining a group for a hobby you enjoy or starting a night class.  If you feel you need support to overcome your barriers, you may consider speaking to a Therapist for support. 
5.  Finally, try changing the way you use Facebook so it becomes a more positive social outlet in your life.  Rather than moaning for instance as a lot of people do (or on the other handing, showing off about how wonderful your life is!) try sharing something positive or inspiring that has happened to you or you’ve come across.  If certain ‘friends’ on Facebook become regularly annoying or negative, try deleting them from your Facebook newsfeed or deleting them altogether!  Weave a new social fabric in your life and experience your positivity grow.

*http://www.slate.com/blogs/future_tense/2013/09/24/facebook_s_for_middle_aged_narcissists_twitter_for_young_ones.html

Men and Depression: The Internal Conflict

“Depression is rage spread thin” - George Santayana

Depression affects 6 million men every year in America alone.  Reasons for depression that men have reported include: trouble in an important relationship, unemployment, pregnancy or childbirth, separation/divorce, retirement, and work stress.

There is a lot of pressure upon men in our society to maintain a sense of “masculinity” and being a “real man”. Sometimes this means that when a man feels desperate, lonely or depressed – he will hide his feelings and keep things bottled up. Because of this, men are three times more likely to commit suicide than women (statistic from the Royal College of Psychiatrists).

There is a common misconception that women are the more body conscious, the more emotional and the more soulful of the sexes – but this is not true. A man may look into the mirror and hate his appearance, doubting himself for not being muscular enough, for being short, not having much chest hair etc. Similarly, men feel the same emotional range as women and can also suffer from depression or anxiety. They just tend to keep it much more hidden.

If you think you know a man who is suffering with depression, be sensitive about it. He may not want to admit to himself or you that he is out of his depth. Men traditionally see themselves as having a lot of responsibility; earn the wage, be the protector, be man of the house. And when they start to struggle they see it as a failure. A crisis of masculinity, if you like.

Things you need to know and look for concerning Male Depression:

·         Coping Mechanisms – Male coping mechanisms differ a lot from female coping strategies. A man might throw himself into an activity, focussing a lot on work or sport to avoid dealing with his problems or distract himself. Also, the man in question might resort to impulsive strategies such as alcohol or drugs to cope with the feelings they are experiencing.

·         Downplaying signs or symptoms – Men are much more likely to ignore or justify the feelings they are experiencing than females.

·         Reluctance to discuss things – Men probably wont want to discuss they feelings with anyone, let alone a mental health professional. It’s better to reach out to your man in a caring, casual way when encouraging to seek help, e.g. “It’s probably nothing darling, but it might be worth just popping to see Dr Smith in case he has any suggestions” than “You are depressed and I’m taking you to see a Psychiatrist on Monday!”.

·         Emotions – Men are likely to feel anger, violence or frustration rather than sadness when they are depressed.

·         Physical vs Emotional – Males are likely to report feelings of physical pain such as headaches, backaches, dizziness, chest and joint pain rather than emotional discomfort.

If you think that your partner, son, brother, father or male friend is suffering from depression, try to encourage them to seek help from a Doctor or Psychotherapist without pressuring them or making a big “fuss” about it. The Royal College of Psychiatrists offers helpful information here:

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/expertadvice/problems/depression/mendepression.aspx

 

Greater Steps Towards Happiness- Step 5: Learning to Let Go

Although we like to coin the phrase ‘putting the past behind us’, often we rationalise how we feel when our emotions continue to cause us disturbance and limit our ability to be happy.  We might attempt to distract ourselves from unpleasant memories or feelings- anything from going out socialising all the time to watching TV or going on Facebook. These patterns of avoidance then easily become a way of life and keep us stuck. 

Making peace with the past is something that enables us to move forward on our path towards happiness and also allows us to live and embrace the ‘here and now’.  

First of all, taking time to reflect on what is unresolved in your life enables you to develop awareness of it. It might be related to childhood issues or recurring patterns such as in relationships, whether the issue was triggered by you or someone else. You might identify certain themes in your life, such as rejection or loneliness- recognising this pattern is the first step towards changing it and understanding how your present situation evolved. This is different from dwelling on the past as opposed to creating new connections that enable you to learn from your experience.

Letting go also involves forgiveness-recurring negative feelings such as guilt, anger and resentment are signs of non-forgiveness, towards ourselves or others.  Forgiveness can take time and is hard to do and also involves having compassion for yourself or the other person.  Holding onto such attachments keeps you a prisoner to the past and keeps you caught in a vicious cycle of negativity and blame. 

To begin the forgiveness process, choose three people in your life who still provoke anger or resentment and write down the reasons why it was their fault. Then try challenging these thoughts, offering evidence for and against your view and re-evaluate what happened.  Try stepping into their shoes and seeing what you feel or how you see the situation- does it feel any different?

Finally, allow yourself the opportunity to write a letter to each person outlining how you feel and express freely what you needed to say.  This isn’t meant to be sent, just an exercise to discharge your emotion around it.  Then review your feelings again and see how it feels.  If possible, speak to that person and allow yourself to be honest with how this situation affected you, adding that you would like to now release it and move forward.  

As Robert Muller put it: “To forgive is the most highest beautiful form of love. In return, you will get untold peace and happiness.”

Greater Steps Towards Happiness: Step 4: Include Others in your Life

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”  Buddha

In the age where we often have a more intimate relationship with our Smartphone than our partner or family, the importance of including others in your life cannot be overestimated.  It is easy to take another person for granted or become blinkered in our busyness- “No man is an island” as John Donne famously said.

Ask yourself, in your happiest moments or times in your life, who helped to contribute to that experience?  Knowing ways of making yourself happy is essential though realising we are inter-dependent allows us to feel connected to something bigger and know we aren’t isolated.  Consider also who makes you feel good on a daily basis? It may be as simple as the office cleaner who smiles and talks to you every morning or your child giving you a cuddle and telling you they love you.  No matter how small, the ripples of yours and others actions will affect many others.

In your ideal life you need to include others and one of the simplest ways that you can make a difference to them is to listen to them.  Conscious listening takes effort and time- it requires us to switch off the noise in our own heads (and the iPod) and really tune into the other person.  Try this for starters: when people want to talk to you, be engaged and responsive- make eye contact and be open in your body language.  Show genuine interest in them and what they’re saying, being aware of the urge to butt in and give your own opinion; allow the opportunity to understand and accept what they’re saying, whether you agree completely or not.

Finally, when they have finished speaking, reflect back to them what they have just said as a summary using your own words to clarify your understanding. For example: “It sounds like you feel really excited about changing jobs and that it is giving you a thirst for a new challenge”.  Ensure you include their mood as well as the words.   By listening, you’re including others in your world and then they will include you.  You’ll be surprised at how much more you get out of a conversation than you would do and how the other person will appreciate being listened to.  Just notice how much more rewarding your relationships are when you start employing this skill!