How your Eyes are the Key to Releasing your Past

“It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”  Wayne Dyer

In the film, Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind, lovers Joel and Clementine (Jim Carey and Kate Winslet) try and erase their memories of each other following a fight.  As you watch the film in reverse, you witness the memories through the perspective of Joel’s unconscious mind as they are erased.  A lot of us might identify with wanting that ‘quick fix’ to dissolve the pain of our past or to get over a distressing ending in our lives.  Trauma does need time to process though being able to quickly detach from past memories and emotional pain is no longer the stuff of movies. 

A new form of treatment “Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing” (EMDR) developed by Francine Shapiro in the 1980’s has been shown to effectively help sufferers of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as well as other Anxiety, phobia and Mood disorders. The effectiveness of EMDR Therapy has been well established as the result of more than 20 randomized controlled studies. The idea of this therapy is to recall the experiences in a safe, comfortable environment, and this helps the individual to realise that they are no longer under threat, which reduces their anxiety and stress.

A Typical EMDR procedure:

1.   The therapist will discuss any expectations with you and what you want to achieve through the treatment. This is often to ensure that desires are realistic and they know how it can benefit them.

2.   The therapist then explains how the procedure will be carried out, and if you give consent, they will begin.

3.   First you are taught a simple breathing exercise to help with anxiety – facing your fears can be very stressful, and it’s important that they is calm and relaxed. A typical breathing exercise here is to breathe in through nose for 7 seconds, and out through the mouth for 11 seconds – this combination is known to trigger neurons in the brain associated with peace and relaxation.

4.   They begin; the therapist moves their finger in front of your eyes, continuing to do so, and you will find that their eyes naturally follow it, and that you get into the rhythm. 

5.   The therapist will then gently ask a question, such as “What was your first experience of ___?” or “How did you react to ____?” to get to the first memory to process. Of course, if they are not comfortable enough to answer, the therapist will not persist and the EMDR will continue regardless.

6.   The therapist then begins processing the memory and asks what you notice on each set of taps or eye movements every 15-30 second intervals. You will typically experience a change in the memories and feelings as the process continues and you feel more relaxed. I describe it as being on a train where the scenery changes but not getting off at any stop. 

7.   Towards the end of the therapy, you will be asked to visualise leaving through a doorway – this symbolises the end of an experience, leaving the memories and the pain behind. 

8.   Once the EMDR is finished, you will do more calming breathing exercises, and you will discuss with the therapist how you felt. Typically, treatment needed is between 2-4 sessions depending on the issue.

There are many variations of the EMDR procedure, including simple eye movements, watching an LED light travel and flash, listening to tones and many more.

Although EMDR is a budding, young method of therapy, it has been shown as very effective and more recent research has shown it to be helpful to sufferers of many things; eating disorders, addictions, OCD, panic attacks and anxiety. It is a safe therapy with no side effects.

Alexandra Bacon is an experienced EMDR Therapist based in the East Midlands. 

Anti Depressants- do they really work?

“Pain could be killed. Sadness could not, but the drugs did shut its mouth for a time.”  Colson Whitehead, Zone One

There is currently a debate around whether Anti depressants are being overused for treating Depression and if there is really a strong enough evidence base for them.

Statistics show that at least 1 in 10 people in the UK suffer from depression, it’s prevalence being slightly higher in women, with 1 in 20 of sufferers being as a result of clinical depression.  Anti depressant prescriptions in the UK have increased by 9.6% in 2011, to 46 million prescriptions and continue to rise.

There is no question that most people with Depression report a reduction in their symptoms though research shows that improvement appears to be due to psychological factors, i.e., the placebo effect.  Evidence is currently inconclusive about how much the Placebo effect is involved. We could ask, how much of the effectiveness of medication is due to the active ingredients and the non Placebo effect?

From my own experiences of working with hundreds of clients with Depression, both Clinical (i.e. from a chemical Serotonin imbalance) and ‘Reactive’ (as a result of a response to an event or stressor), Anti Depressants do have their place.  Many initially report an improvement using Anti Depressants though often, alone they aren’t enough to resolve the underlying factors that cause it in the first place and that help maintain it.  For instance, taking a pill when experiencing work stress may buffer against some of the negative emotional effects though unless the underlying triggers are addressed, things may not change long term. With some clients, Anti Depressants have little effect or in some cases, cause a worsening of symptoms as a result of unpleasant side effects.

Dr Ian Reid, Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Aberdeen, says "Antidepressants are but one element available in the treatment of depression, not a panacea,"…they can have harmful side effects, and they certainly don't help everyone with the disorder. But they are not overprescribed. Careless reportage has demonised them in the public eye, adding to the stigmatisation of mental illness, and erecting unnecessary barriers to effective care." 

The National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) guidelines doesn’t promote the use of Anti depressants as a first port of call for treating moderate depression though instead advocates talking therapies such as CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and Interpersonal Therapy initially. Often however, long NHS waiting lists prevent individuals accessing services.  GP’s only option then is to prescribe medication to patients when there are few alternatives available.

Posing my question at the beginning, is there enough evidence to support the widespread use of Anti Depressants; one might argue, if it makes people feel better, why worry about how that happens? Perhaps the individual’s belief in the pill as well as the scientific base causes the improvement.  Often, the therapeutic benefit of talking about our problems and expressing our feelings to a professional such as a GP is part of the healing effect;  ‘It’s good to talk’ as BT says.

The promotion of medication alone however, dismisses the wider implications of creating a culture of ‘pill popping’ rather than addressing underlying causes and socioeconomic factors.   We should be asking why has depression become endemic, not only in the UK but worldwide and how can we change it? In our modern ‘quick fix’ society, we are prone to avoiding the real issues when we need to take a move in the direction of change and start doing something differently. 

Men and Depression: The Internal Conflict

“Depression is rage spread thin” - George Santayana

Depression affects 6 million men every year in America alone.  Reasons for depression that men have reported include: trouble in an important relationship, unemployment, pregnancy or childbirth, separation/divorce, retirement, and work stress.

There is a lot of pressure upon men in our society to maintain a sense of “masculinity” and being a “real man”. Sometimes this means that when a man feels desperate, lonely or depressed – he will hide his feelings and keep things bottled up. Because of this, men are three times more likely to commit suicide than women (statistic from the Royal College of Psychiatrists).

There is a common misconception that women are the more body conscious, the more emotional and the more soulful of the sexes – but this is not true. A man may look into the mirror and hate his appearance, doubting himself for not being muscular enough, for being short, not having much chest hair etc. Similarly, men feel the same emotional range as women and can also suffer from depression or anxiety. They just tend to keep it much more hidden.

If you think you know a man who is suffering with depression, be sensitive about it. He may not want to admit to himself or you that he is out of his depth. Men traditionally see themselves as having a lot of responsibility; earn the wage, be the protector, be man of the house. And when they start to struggle they see it as a failure. A crisis of masculinity, if you like.

Things you need to know and look for concerning Male Depression:

·         Coping Mechanisms – Male coping mechanisms differ a lot from female coping strategies. A man might throw himself into an activity, focussing a lot on work or sport to avoid dealing with his problems or distract himself. Also, the man in question might resort to impulsive strategies such as alcohol or drugs to cope with the feelings they are experiencing.

·         Downplaying signs or symptoms – Men are much more likely to ignore or justify the feelings they are experiencing than females.

·         Reluctance to discuss things – Men probably wont want to discuss they feelings with anyone, let alone a mental health professional. It’s better to reach out to your man in a caring, casual way when encouraging to seek help, e.g. “It’s probably nothing darling, but it might be worth just popping to see Dr Smith in case he has any suggestions” than “You are depressed and I’m taking you to see a Psychiatrist on Monday!”.

·         Emotions – Men are likely to feel anger, violence or frustration rather than sadness when they are depressed.

·         Physical vs Emotional – Males are likely to report feelings of physical pain such as headaches, backaches, dizziness, chest and joint pain rather than emotional discomfort.

If you think that your partner, son, brother, father or male friend is suffering from depression, try to encourage them to seek help from a Doctor or Psychotherapist without pressuring them or making a big “fuss” about it. The Royal College of Psychiatrists offers helpful information here:

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/expertadvice/problems/depression/mendepression.aspx

 

Something for those Sleepless Nights

“A well spent day brings a happy sleep” - Leonardo Da Vinci

 

Insomnia is a common problem in what can be a stressful world. After a busy day, you'd think it would be easy to quickly drop off to sleep, but it turns out to be quite the opposite – we spend hours tossing and turning in what soon becomes a very tedious and frustrating process.

Often insomnia is linked to stress. Vgontzas et al (1998) found that those with higher stress level matched those who got less sleep. Of course the amount of sleep people need can vary, but it is the quality of the sleep which is important. Sleep is vital for rejuvenating your body and mind, and a fresh start in the morning can be just what we need for a happy and productive day.

You've probably heard of the phrase “Woke up on the wrong side of the bed” - Well here are a few useful suggestions as to preventing that from happening.

• Make sure you are comfortable; whether it's the temperature of the room, the amount of light, the quality of the mattress – get to know your needs and work with them to get the best out of the night. This may involve compensating with a partner to balance both your needs.
• Start to relax a few hours before bed; Try and make a nice routine for yourself, such as having a bath with candles, reading a book, having a warm milky drink. Doing all these things and getting used to a bed-time routine can drastically improve your sleeping!
•  Eliminate exogenous zeitgebers; Or in layman's terms, cut out any night-time noise! If you live close to traffic, find some ear plugs. If you have noisy neighbours, ask them to turn the TV down. This is especially important if you are working night-shifts and need to sleep in the day, as these factors will distract you from your sleep and keep your mind in an active state.

As well as doing all or a few of the above, there are certain things to avoid when it comes to nodding off.

• Don't sleep on conflict; If you and a partner/relative are having problems, try to resolve these issues before going to bed, as they will just play on your mind and keep you awake.
• Don't study in bed; Whether it's paperwork, finance, or you happen to be a student, bed is not the place for work. Everything must be dealt with elsewhere, as you will come to associate your bed with stress and work, and you may end up feeling more alert around it! 
•  Don't stay in bed if you can't sleep; Get up, go downstairs and keep yourself occupied – but with a relaxing task such as reading or listening to some calming music.

Remember, if this becomes a recurring problem for you rather than occasional, there are other options you can take. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) has been shown in recent study (Morinet al, 2004) to be more effective than sleeping pills when dealing with long term insomnia. It was discovered that in the short term sleeping pills are helpful, but in the long term, the insomnia needs to be fought with using techniques and improved sleeping habits, which is just what CBT can do for you.

Feeling Body Confident

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Confidence is very individual and means different things to each of us.  Many people believe that they will finally feel body confident when they lose enough weight, get in shape, or get that perfect haircut or piece of clothing. While it is true that all of these things can make you more confident, true body confidence comes from the inside. It is based on the way you feel about yourself, flaws and all. 

We are bombarded by images of airbrushed perfection and we think that is what we are expected to aspire to. I am here to tell you that being sexy and attractive, as with confidence is all a state of mind- if you don’t feel amazing inside it won’t be expressed on the outside! 80-90 % of women dislike their bodies and many would go under the knife, though could save thousands by simply changing their psychology!

Although it may seem impossible, we all have the resources already to be confident; it’s just a case of unlocking the key and that is when we are unstoppable!  To begin with, check how confident you feel sitting here now and scale it out of 10- 0 being feeling no confidence at all, or 10 feeling super confident. 

We often think having a facial or a makeover will make us feel better, though it is how we feel inside that affects how we see ourselves and how confident we act and speak. Around 90% of how we communicate to others is through our bodies and only 8% is through our words so we cannot not communicate! 

First of all, I want to tell you a story that I heard about a plastic surgeon whose job is to make ugly people beautiful. He worked out mathematically that the difference between being ugly and beautiful is just a few millimetres- the difference is so small and yet this idea may seem impossible to us it shows that “when it seems impossible, when it seems like nothing will work, you’re usually just a few millimetres from making it happen.”  It also takes us making the first step towards deciding to change the way we think, feel and behave to bring about a transformation. 

Here are my top Body Confident Insights:

·       Remember you are unique and stop comparison shopping. Do you ever do that when you’re shopping? We start looking at other women in the street or in magazines or our friends and it’s “oh I’m not as talented, beautiful, slim as her”. But how do you know that you’re not? We all are unique and have our own model of the world which is how we interpret our experience of the world. So that begs the question- what is reality? Do I want to create my own reality or one based on someone else’s?

·       Whenever you start comparing yourself to some mythical perfection just tell yourself to STOP IT! Instead say over and over again “I am unique.”  When you feel the urge to fit in look closely at what makes YOU different and special? Those things are what make you special and unique in this world- remember that.

·       Exercise- “I’m sexy and confident, yes but...” When you can’t see beyond your buts, focus on where that is in your body- is that feeling in your stomach, your head- is it moving? Close your eyes and focus on what it feels like, looks like and then imagine melting or shifting that energy out of your body- almost like it is liquid you are flowing out of your body and then let it go. Check if there is any other energy that needs shifting and do the same until you feel clear. How does that feel now?

·       Pick your best assets. When you focus on one part of your body, it is almost like you are that part- you are not your rounded tummy or your bingo wings- you are a WHOLE person- mind, body spirit. This was a revelation to one of my clients who are asked to focus on her lovely legs for a month instead of her tummy which she hated. She then forgot about her hang ups and started wearing skirts and dresses to show them off.  Where attention goes, energy flows. – My best assets are my... I feel sexy when... Focus on that part or parts and really pay attention to those good feelings- feel them spread through your body and mind and feel them grow and expand.

·       Exercise- vamp it up! Mental rehearsal- I want you to pick the sexiest woman alive (in your opinion)- It may be a celebrity or it may be someone you know. I want you to get an image of her in your head as if she is standing right in front of you. Stand in her shoes for a moment, feeling what you feel, hearing what you hear. How does she stand, sit, walk, express herself? Where does that feeling of confidence start in her body and what colour would it be? Imagine yourself stepping outside of her body, taking those feelings of confidence with you then imagine yourself in the future taking all those resources with you and differently you look and feel in this time. Do this for different points in the future and anchor those feelings as strongly as you can.

·        Remember, confidence is like a mental muscle that needs exercising until it becomes stronger until it becomes your natural state of being. You are what you believe you are, you will become what you expect to become. When clients work with me they discover this.

·       To continue your progress into the New Year and beyond, I am offering one lucky winner the chance to have a Personal coaching session with me looking at your blocks and barriers to achieving your goals and create an action plan to catapult you into success for 2011! Just email me your name and address.

Alexandra Bacon is a certified Advanced EFT Practitioner, Counsellor, Bach Flower Remedy Practitioner, Wellbeing consultant and Trainer. To book your personalised treatment session please call Alexandra on 01629 825968/ 07950 568635. www.lotusheal.co.uk